Sunday, 27 September 2009

Well that was pretty dull wasn't it ?

Qualifying was aceness. F1 cars belting around downtown Singapore, sparks showering the track as the cars rode the bumpy street circuit. The World champion in waiting having an awful time of it, failing to get to Quli 3. Barrichello, chasing the leader, tries too hard and sticks it in the wall leaving Hamilton with a tank full of fuel and a pole for his troubles.

It was great. Everything that is good about F1 was there in the Qualifying, drivers really trying hard, balls out, inch perfect driving. But it also showed the bad bits of F1, the fact that all the drivers knew they had to be up front because there was precious little over taking to be had on this tight and twisty street course. Once they left the line on Sunday they needed a bit of luck or an idiot up front to move up through the pack.
So thank you Rosberg (crossing the white line out of the pits) and Vettel (speeding in the pit lane ... if that's possible these days). For being idiots for the other drivers. Okay so they robbed us of any interest during the race, once those two had cocked it up there was no one to challenge Hamilton on his cruise to the line.

Webber blew any chance of a tilt at the title, with another DNF. His break exploded and pitched him into the wall. After he's been nailed by the "FIA Random act of rules interpretation" ™ this week. He over took Alonso early on, got squeezed and had to cross over the curb to avoid an accident. Remember Hamilton at Spa last year ? well the same thing here, But wait ... Alonso also crossed the curb with Webber, So they were both over the line. Yes Webber was pretty much, but not quite past Alonso and by avoiding an accident he made the pass stick. Meanwhile Glock got passed Alonso. Webber sails off into the distance until his radio pipes up, "FIA don't like that, better give the place back mate, oh and Let Glock passed too, he's ahead of Alonso now!"
Personally i think once both cars cross the line then no advantage is gained by the other so it should stand. But the FIA disagree and that was the end of that.

Meanwhile Hamilton whizzed on to the Chequred flag, champagne and a big snog from his Pussycat girlfriend, who appears to be still his girlfriend. I should stick to being a petrolhead and leave Celeb gossip to the red tops.

Glock get's second as Vettel and Rosberg cock things up.

Alonso (Teflonso as Brundle called him) keeps his head down and claims that the win last year was all his doing and he didn't need no stupid Brazilin to crash for him Ole.

Vettel saves a dropped bollock and collects 4th place. it should have been more, it's almost the end of his tilt at the title now.

5th for Button, points saved and much smiling all round (except in the garage next door). A break disc about to explode but not, shows yet again, that it's not about being the best, it's luck that wins championship. not speed and guts. You have to be the luckiest SOB out there.

As proved by Barrichello in 6th who isn't lucky and will probably throw a hissy fit over his team not letting him beat Button.

7th For Kovalainen, son to be making way for Kimi all of a sudden. Not the making way bit, he was fired back in Hungary. But who would have though Kimi was going to return to the boys from Woking. Not me, that's for certain. Will he gel with Hamilton ....... not a chance. Shades of Hamilton v Alonso i suspect.

8th Kubica, remember him, yes, he's still racing apparently.

9th Nakajima, doesn't hit anything for a change and get a top ten finish.

Finally 10th for Raikkonen. Yupe that Ferrari is still a rubbish car, Fisi in 13th and looking utterly lost proved that. Still what does he care now, he's back to Woking, the ice cream isn't as good, But the Lap dancers are cheaper .. so I've heard.!!

It's the Japanese GP next weekend, back to proper circuit with scary corners and nice fast straights. Can Hamilton make it a back to back win. Who knows.
Singapore, It didn't rain i suppose.

Thursday, 24 September 2009

The Dark Lord will have his Vengence

The Dark lord looked down upon the prone body laying on the slab of black marble before him.
He smiles a slow malicious smile. Thin white lips spread wide across the face like an albino slug hunting for that last dandy lion leaf of the year.
It’s not pretty but the meaning is not lost on the crowd of acolytes crowding around the little scene. They smile, relief suddenly flowing into them like a fine Cote du Rhone following rare fillet steak. Some whimper and hold other tight, afraid to show too much emotion. Has the Dark lord Finished yet, they wonder.

Sweat drips from the face of the Dark Lord, peppering the now still figure laid before the Lord of Formula one. Finally he has his vengeance, oh they may have made him retreat to the shadows but his minion The Toad would be a safe pair of hands for the Dark Lord. But he has had his vengeance on the one he called a Looney, the leader of those little oiks that had dragged his Beloved Ferrari away from him. They had whispered into the ear of Montezemolo and promised to keep the Italian in sharp suits and comfy shoes.
But they would return. Once The Toad was in place they would see the error of their ways and return to the fold. Oh yes …..

Meanwhile he had their ringleader lying prostrate on his table of fun. Oh the Joy

A short ugly dwarf approaches the gathered crowd. His features twisted into what amounts to a smile. People have commented that he has the face only a mother could love, or someone wanting lots and lots of power and money.

The Dwarf looks up at The Dark lord, “Alright Guv’ner .. ‘ave you finish with fatty yet ? Only Piquet Snr wants to have a go next.”

The Dark Lord turns and regards his most trusted minion, he smiles again. “Yes, this poor … fool …. Will never set foot at a Formula 1 event as long has he breaths the air of this earth. He will never lead another poor young soul into temptation … and he shall never steal the heart of my Beloved Ferrari from me again mmmmwwhaAHHAHAHAHAHAHAA”

The dark lord turns and stumbles to the little shine in the corner of the tower, he falls to his knees, the acolytes crawl after him. “WHY, WHY, WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME nooooooooooo why why why !” If he had not has his tear ducts removed, he would cry as he cradles the little corgi cars of the Beloved Ferrari Shrine. “Did I not give you everything? Championship! Drivers! … the best of everything and you leave me for HIM?” he turns and stares at the figure on the table of fun. “What did He have that I ….. THE DARK LORD …… could not give you …… ?“

He breaks down, dry sobs wracking his thin body.

He reaches for the signed picture of Enzo and cradles it to his breast. “They will return Master, oh yes I vow they will return to me my master”

Monday, 14 September 2009

F1 Drivers today

top 5 drivers for me right now are:

1. Alonso because he put a back to back championship together against Mickey shoes who is still the benchmark. Can develop cars and build a team around him
2. Hamster, despite Monza and because of Monza. He drives like every lap is a qualifying lap and he doesn't accept it's over until he says so. Has led the team back from the brink this year.
3. Barrichello. He's ancient and has plugged away at being number 2 for years, and here he is, he's developed that car and is hunting down Button.
4. Kimi. Because he could be so great, he's still the fastest man out there.
5. Rosberg, is the best of the new guns. I think he could win a championship in a Mclaren or a Brawn.

also rans.

Vettel, i think he may be a bit fragile under pressure. He's fast, but needs to think of the bigger picture.
Massa, i don't think he's going to be as fast as he was. But his fight with Lewis last year was a changed Massa from the Sauber days when we bet on which wall he'd hit first.
Button, Has the luck that makes you champion but has been shown to be fragile under pressure. Needs kid gloves and the team behind him
Heidfeld, who has the best finishing record in modern F1. imagine if he's got the nod at Sauber for the Mclaren seat all those years ago.
Fisi, he was never going to wina champioship, but given a fair wind and a bit of luck, proved he could win a race or two

Undecided on

Sutil, I'm not convinced but he's having a good season in the slowest on the grid. He's shown he can mix it with the big boys when the dice fall his way. Does he have the Luck that you need for a championship.
Glock. Has calmly got on with it this year and worked hard with a rubbish car. I'd like to see him in a Brawn or Mclaren, then we'd see what he's got. Toyota will be the death of his carrier
Webber, i think he's just a bit too old and let's the pressure get to him. Can be good on the one lap wonder, but can't string a whole weekend together to take a title.

Utter Rubbish

Nakajima, Toyota gave him the ride and the engines to Williams.
Kubica. Whinges too much, is too tall and only won in Canada because Hamilton took everyone else out. has never looked like winning another race.
Grosjean, has a lot of hair and smiles too much
Liuzzi. Looked like signing my sons autograph book was the most tedious thing he'd ever been asked to do.
Alguersuari. has a silly name and only got the job because Seb bourdais told Torro Rosso the same thing scott speed did, that the car was crap and they were never going to achieve anything.

Should never be left in charge of a hand cart let alone an F1 car.

Trulli, he makes nice wine apparently.

Lewis watch out for the barrier .. oh you found it !!

Lewis, Lewis, Lewis.
One does not simple nail the barrier on the last lap, when the guy in front is Captain smooth.
What was he thinking about? "pfft 3rd is for rubbish girly swots, I'm going to be 2nd or nowhere !!!!"
Still At least he was trying I suppose, rather than giving up and cruising around till the flag, like Kovalainen for instance. Who appears to have forgotten that he was actually in a race and not an afternoon drive to get some ice-cream form the local Tesco's. And I suppose Hamilton has nothing to lose does he. He's going to lose his World Number One status and he's just dumped his pussy cat girl friend. Why not stick it into the wall. Go and have a beer lad and think about how many other fish, and races there are in the sea.
So Its normality restored and a Brawn 1-2 just like old times. Except we have the Brazilian chappy ahead of the plucky English Lad. Did some one wire Barrichello testicals up tot he AC? All of a sudden he's driving like he's a number one driver or something, give the old guy a sniff of the top prize and he's like a rat up a drain pipe. There's no stopping him is there. He'll need to get 4 points per race more then Button to win the championship, but who'd bet against that right now ?
Well done to Barrichello then, after roasting the gear box last time out in Spa, he manages to keep it all together and out drives Button for the win. He chose a strategy, stuck to it and then delivered the result. Good stuff from him.
Button gets back to the podium, doing as much as he could against a better driver today. Once again his luck holds out and Webber is punted off the circuit effectively leaving the title race between him and Barrichello. Back in the day Senna and Prost almost came to team mate blows over who was going to win the silver cup. These two seem a little less highly strung. But the garage will be an interesting place come Abu Dhabi if there's only a 1 point difference. 
Kimi get's 3rd with a KERS drive. He profited from Hamilton attempting to dent his head on the barrier and kept Sutil behind him all afternoon. Given how many times he's taken out Sutil over the years, Kimi must have been expecting payback at any moment. At this rate he’s going to be keeping his seat at Ferrari next year and Alonso is going to be kicking his heals in a Campos hardy har har. Maybe Kimi needs a rubbish team mate, where he is utterly the Number One driver before he can really perform at the limit. Once Massa got his act together last year Kimi gave up and looked like he couldn’t give a toss. Now he doesn’t look like he can do any wrong.

Sutil makes 4th which considering he was 2nd on the grid has to be a disappointment. But it does show that Fisichellas result in Spa was no flash in the pan. Remember though that Spa and Monza are the lowest downforce circuits on the calendar. So I doubt that there will be any more poles and fastest laps this season. But you have to start considering a Force India in the top 10 from now on because they’re there on merit.

Alonso makes it to 5th, did he contribute anything to the race ? I missed him entirely.

Kovalainen makes it to 6th eventually. Okay so he didn’t hit the wall on the last lap when he was on the podium. But he never looked like getting anywhere near the podium at any stage of the race. Has he already got a contract some where else for next year. Or is he still trying to convince the board of directors that he has what it takes to win. Whatever the PR people say, the truth is he can’t live with Hamilton, time to move on.

Heidfeld in 7th. Dull.

Vettel in 8th kisses the championship goodbye.

Fisi make it to 9th which is better then Badoer ever did.

Finally Nakajima makes it to 10th only because Hamilton hit the wall.

Monday, 7 September 2009

Monza, Red to the Core..

It’s almost time to leave Europe, It’s been a tough middle of the season for some of the teams, some up, some down.
Brawn have gone from easy winners to wobbly also ran’s.
Redbull have gone from strength to strength but are spending too much time with French mechanics crawling all over the back of their cars.
McLaren have turned a dog into a thorough bred race winner. Whilst Ferrari have lost 1 driver, fired another and pinched a third from the back of the grid.

Monza, it’s ALL about speed here. Back in the day, Enzo always built the rest of the car around the engine. He wanted a car that could go fast, not because it was slippery like a missile flying though the afternoon heat. No it was fast because it had a MASSIVE engine in the back. To drive a Ferrari fast you had to have arms like tree trunks and balls the size grapefruits. The cars were fast in a straight line and they won at Monza. Enzos scarlet cars would power round the autodrome de Monza and beat the rest of the world in front of the most passionate, most knowledgeable pack of fans anywhere in the world. There are no more devote and fanatical bunch of petrol head anywhere. And they are there to cheer on just one team. The Tifosi want one thing and this year they want something very special.
Fisichella got pole in Spa and then came second to Kimi. The next thing, Monty is knocking on the teams’ trailer, flashing wads of Euros at Vijay Mallya before walking off with his number one driver. So Fisi, an Italian remember, will be driving for Ferrari, an Italian team, at Monza, an Italian Race. In front of a very partisan Italian crowd…… He’d better win, or there could be a riot.

Can he win or will Kimi spoil the party?

What are Brawn and Redbull going to do? Redbull have a very few engines left. Brawn has one driver with nothing to loose and one with everything to loose.

McLaren have a fast can in a straight line and big grunty engine. Hamilton could be a contender here. KERS could be the deciding factor here. With a nice big boost out of the parabolic and across the line they could be set for pole and the fastest lap.

Renault have a charge of “bringing the sport into disrepute” for cheating outrageously in Singapore last year, hanging over their collective heads. Whilst the Redbull lads are gathering round the back of the Renault pits to ask some searching questions. Don’t expect too much from the garlic eaters.