Round one Australian

Right then, Button hits the ground running and gets the win as the McLaren’s looked nailed to the circuit. Whilst the Redbulls looked like they are really missing that rear blown diffuser and Ferrari looked like they’d forgotten how to design a car.

Hamilton got pole with a scintillating early Q3 run, Vettel once so peerless on a qualifying run complained about oversteer and unpredictable handling. The Mercedes of Rosberg and Schumacher had talked the talk all practice but when push came to positions they couldn’t quite walk the walk. The big hero of Q3 was the once silly haired Roman Grosjean in the evil black lotus. Who showed his vodka loving returning world champion team mate, Kimi “I’ll have a Cornetto and sit this one out chaps” Raikkonen, how it should be done with a fine third on the grid.

Better then Ferrari, who looked like someone had rebadged a 1974 Ford Capri with a prancing horse and sent that out to qualify, One minute it was understeer, the next oversteer. Just keeping it in a straight line looks to take some balls.

Massa, as ever, kept the press pack wondering why he still had a drive and for how long he would keep said drive. Numerous trips to the kitty litter and poor qualifying kept everyone amused. But you know, they’ve been asking when is the Latin hotshot going to get fired and year after year he’s still there. I think the crux of the matter might be that no one else wants to be the one making Alonso look great. The spaniard was thrashing the thing within an inch of its short shelf life and wowing the media until he too ended up pointing the wrong way in the sand trap.


So to the race, Hamilton got an okay start when the lights went out, Button simply got a better start. As the others banged into one another (Webber in the thick of things as usual) the two McLaren’s eased off into the distance.

Rosberg got a flier off the line (the software team will be happy with that on in Brackley) to snatch third briefly before Vettel made a blinding move up the inside and took it away from him, where he failed to get to grips with the McLarens.

Behind all of this Maldonado in the surprisingly good looking Williams “bumped” Grosjean off the circuit in a nice “welcome back to the piranha pool lad” move , before he started getting back into the swing of things with a trip through the sand traps a few laps later.

Alonso was like a man possessed, imagine Heathcliff standing astride a pair of wild sweaty stallions, his white shirt ripped open, jet black hair billowing around him as lighting flashes in the distance, as he, riding crop in hand beats the raging animals of death and bends them to his will. Three days of practice and qualifying had still not tamed the 2012 Ferrari. It was impressive to watch a man not know from one corner to the next which way the car was going to snap. Exciting stuff.

Oh, yeah and then there was Parez. Right we finally got rid of Trulli who was the most tedious driver i have ever seen. Great wine, does a lot for charity, boring driver. Well he got fired, but Perez seems to have taken it into his head that to win a race you have to be gormless and dull. He has that ‘I have no idea what you are saying so I’m just going to smile at you’ face. The extra big smile that pleads with you to like and understand him, that really under that placid stupid grin he has the heart of a dead sheep ready to savage anyone that crosses him.

I didn’t like his, “i’m going to do one stop and hope the others fail to finish” race tactic last year and sure as hell don’t like it this year. Alonso was charging around like a man on a mission to tame a car that was actively trying to kill him. Perez looked like he was off down the shops for a packet of value sausages (too much meat can be bad for you). Dull dull dull tedious dullness.

So it was all pretty static until Petrov got bored of driving the Caterham and abandoned it on the pit straight. This called out the safety car, just as the McLaren duo had pitted for their tires and just before Vettel pitted for his. Once it had all shaken out Vettel found himself between Button and Hamilton. Oh some things, do indeed, never change.

So we were robbed of a McLaren one two, but did get to see McLaren and Redbull parade around for 10 laps. KERS and DRS didn’t seem to make much of a difference as top boys all look to have the same sort of race pace. Give or take Massa careering into them

To spice things up at the end Maldonado crash tested the front of his Williams as he tried to overtake a tiring Heathcliff Alonso on the last lap. What would have been excellent points for Williams turned to carbon fibre smeared along an Australian wall. With Senna getting nailed by Massa it was all rather disappointing for the boys from Didcot. Still the car at least looks like it can go some. Maybe Senna will turn into a Senna , you never know. Imagine what a Koby or a Kimi could do with a car like that. That would be something to watch wouldn’t it.

So Hamilton got the Pole.

And Button won, made it look pretty easy too and seems to view this as the start of another championship winning season for himself. He got the fastest lap at the end just to rub it in a bit. This is Button really, drive it smooth and nothing dramatic, which is fine and he’s a Brit so that’s good …. But don’t you just wish Hamilton had got the reward for the hard work on Saturday. Well I do.



Vettel bagged more than he was expecting with a bit of Safety car luck for 2nd.

Hamilton had it all taken away from him and looked pretty upset with 3rd. But at least he didn’t have to go and see the stewards and explain why Massa was sitting in a broken Ferrari this time. He looked like he knew he could have won. Let’s hope it doesn’t affect the rest of the season for him. In reality I’d rather have a Lewis that was annoyed with third than happy to have finished.


Webber, gets his best ever result in Australian with 4th. I was taking bets on when he was going to crash into Hamilton at the end, but i think he’d got all that out of his system at the start.


Alonso 5th and that is far more than the car was worth. I don’t think anyone in red expected points let alone a top five finish. They have a serious amount of work ahead of them with that thing.


Kobayashi in 6th was taking part apparently.


Kimi actually had a pretty good race in 7th, the team cocked up qualifying so he got left down in 17th. So to drive up through the field and not collect Massa or crash test the tub after being away for two years, suggest that the evil black Lotus might just be the real deal. Oh and he’s still a very good driver etc etc.


Perez dull dull dull grin dull, His mouth has far too many teeth in it !dull dull dull 8th


Ricciardo gets to 9th ho hum.

Di Resta gets a very lucky 10th after Rosberg and Vergne got it all wrong on the last lap. To be honest Di Resta needs to up his game, the Hulk out qualified him and would have got points if he’d not crashed. Yes I know you have to finish to get the glory, but the Hulk looked to be the natural team leader all weekend and Di Resta the rookie. Anymore results like this and he won’t be going anywhere next year.

Right the last classified driver as declared by the FIA is Glock, who didn’t do enough laps to beat Maldonado at the end, but was still moving when the flag dropped. Yes I know Pic was still technically running at the end, but the FIA have his as a DNF (Did not finish) so he is thrown onto the scrap heap of rubbishness and Glock gets the points this time out. I know it’s complicated, I think Pic was outside of the minimum finishing rule, being as he was 4 laps behind Button.



So then, what have we learned this weekend ?

Well Redbull and McLaren are pretty much even on race pace, with the Woking boys faster in qualifying trim.

The Mercedes have a trick qualifying wing that isn’t helping them to race any better than last year.

Evil Black Lotus do have a good car under them, but the chaps on the pit perch need to step up to the game a bit.

Force India don’t look like they’ve changed the plan of building a car for the fast circuits and Di Resta has proper team mate on his hands now.

Williams have a handy car and two rubbish drivers. My pick for the team to fire its drivers first.

Sauber have another car that will look after its tires, mores the pity.

Marussia got to the end, but only just

HRT are just as crap as ever.

Even Bernie is getting excited ...... it's time for 

The Sidewaysbob 2012

Formula 1

Predict-a-thon

All you have to do is:

Pick the top 10 drivers.

Pick the driver on pole.

Pick the driver with the fastest lap.

and finally, just who is the worst driver?

Pick the last classified driver each race

If you have even a passing interest in Formula one racing and think you know the difference between a Pasta Maldonado and a Webber Carburettor than this is definitely for you.

Sign up for the game here

Read the rules here

This is all free, just for fun and a bit of a laugh

The season starts in two weeks time so hurry and join up today.

If James was alive its the sort of thing he would have loved.

Round one .. the usual suspect up front.

You would not believe what i'd written before the stupid browser crashed before i had a chance to save the draft version.

Still Test one down, Lotus are the winners and Redbull are sandbagging on the straights.

The word on the streets is that Vettel and co are so far ahead it's not even funny.

Evil lotus did alright, Williams must be running on fumes Torro Rosso and Force India might well have a fast car under them.

Ferrari have a hat full of problems yet again. Mclaren have designed something entirely different to everyone else who all copies Newey anyway.

Mercedes and HRT are yet to turn up with new cars.

Round two on tuesday.


Has it really only been three months since the last one ended ?

Well the cars are pretty much ready, the boys have been out at Jerez to claim some bragging rights and kick the PR machine into gear.

So the first round of the winter championship was won by Redbull as usual. Whilst Ferrari and Mclaren looked like they might have some work to do..

Meanwhile Kimi in the evil black Lotus made a lot of promising noises, none of which could be considered a full and frank interview, but there's still time for all of that.

Williams confirmed they most certainly did go for the two drivers with the best chance of keeping the team afloat this year.

Whilst good Lotus (now Caterham) are there or there about's yet again. But they are super, super up for this year, yes sire bob and Trulli is really 'appy to have a car with working power steering. Now all he needs is the stanner stairlift to get him in and out of the car and he's ready to win the championship.

Mercedes turned up with last years car by mistake and drove faster than everyone else to, "test zee tires yar" and how much better they would have been if no one else had had a blown diffuser. Rumors they were taking pictures of the Redbull, just to compare it to their new car, are completely untrue you understand.

Other than that .. well HRT also turned up with last years car and were just as hopeless.

The Force india looked alright in the hands of Di Resta,

.....and now Kubica has broken his leg, tripping over on some ice. I don't think his maker wants him to get back in a Formula one car ever .....

Robert arriving for his seat fitting yesterday

Well done lad, almost £1300 raised for Movember,

http://mobro.co/Sidewaysbob

Webber 'wins' the battle, Vettel takes the war.

And the final result is in, it’s all over and about bloody time too.

Dear Bernie can we not have a 10 month season next year please, it’s too long. This year it was four races too long, in the good old days the FIA would have banned Vettel for a few races to give everyone else a chance. Bernie must be losing his touch !
Right straight off the bat then and I think Vettel has done a great job this year, he’s been consistent, hasn’t had to rely on the Lady Luck and has done exactly what he’s paid to do. He even gave Webber a win at the end of the year, what a jolly nice chap.

And to be honest with you all I think he is a jolly nice chap. He’s not a smug git like Schumacher was for all those years. He not a grumpy bugger like Alonso is and hes happy to give an interview on the starting grid unlike Hamilton. He can turn it on when he needs a pole, turn in fastest laps when he has too, and he can have a gear box problem when his team mate needs a moral boasting win.
What more do you require of a driver ?

So what if he hasn’t had to drive form the back of the grid to win or over take a load of people, this year do you really think he couldn’t have done that if he needed to. But the reality is he’s not let himself get into the position where he needs to do all that. Front row all year, beating Mansells record of 14 poles in a season here in Brazil, that’s 79% of the races he’s led into the first corner and from there it’s difficult not to win. As other drivers had to avoid each other and make up for a bad qualifying run, he calmly got on with it.

So you know I think he’s done alright this year, complaining he can’t over take is just sour grapes really.

Right then, Vettel on pole, gets away cleanly again, except this time rather than sailing off into the distance ... oh he did. Errr with Webber behind for a change. Then unexpectedly he started getting messages about the short shifting in 2nd gear to make it cool down a bit, then short shift in 2nd and 3rd. Then suddenly he was being told to be extra specially careful with the gearbox because it might explode at any second. As this was happening he slowed down a tinnys wennsy little bit, just enough for Webber to close up. Then he told the pits that “Got un himmel I vill haf to slow down aun let my team mate pass to save zee gear un box, himmel”
“oh” we all thought, maybe Alonso or Button can catch him and pass him and we he won’t make it to the podium yet again in two traces.
But then an odd thing happened and he started to follow Webber and not drop back at all like he had a gearbox on the edge of survival. Hamilton showed him how it was supposed to be down as he exited turn three and found he had a box of neutrals and not 4th gear as he expected.
No Vettel managed to be 2 seconds a lap faster than anyone else and apart from Webber and proceeded to pretty much cruise to an easy second place, ‘gifting’ the win to Webber who has singularly failed to come out of Vettels shadow all year ... what a surprise.

As for the rest who cares? They didn’t get close and didn’t look like beating the Redbulls all weekend.

So Webber gets his one and only win of the year, well done him. He also got the fastest lap on the very last lap, I think he’s trying to make a point there.

Vettel second for a change, he didn’t look too fussed

Button makes a bit of a meal of it but did enough to ensure 3rd with a fine drive past the ailing Alonso

Alonso is 4th and will be more than happy to see the back of this year Ferrari

Massa is as dull as ever in 5th after much weaving around in front of Hamilton.

Sutil might have done enough in 6th to buy the seat a Williams or even keep the seat at Force India.

Rosberg should have got a bit more out of the car than 7th but its still, as ever, better than Schumacher.

Di Resta rounds out a good rookie year in 8th, hopefully he’s nailed onto a Force India drive now.

Kobayashi was 9th apparently.

And Petrov rounds out the top ten, just to remind everyone that yes Renault are still in fact taking part.

Finally Ricciardo is the last man walking, will we see him in a Torro Rosso next year. More than likely though I don’t know why, Luizzi beat him most of the time.


the real winner in all of of this though  ...

see you next year lads ...mmmmwwhahahahahahaha

Dear God this had better be interesting.

Brazil.

And about bloody time too. Does it seem like it’s been a long, long year to you ? It does to me and I’m not too sure why really. We’ve had some great racing, but a lot of well, dull races. You knew who was going to win after the first corner for pretty much the whole season.

Most people had realized that Vettel was going to walk this championship after Spain. Oh there was Hamilton’s win in china, with a pass for the win least we forget. But that is pretty much it in terms of dicing for the win. There was a sort of omnipresent feeling that Vettel was going to be untouchable all year .... and he has been.

But I don’t want this to sound like I’m moaning about it all. On balance it’s been a good year, the racing away from the top spot has been cracking. Once Vettel had disappeared off into the distance, we could watch Hamilton and Massa clouting each other whilst Alonso dragged a lame stallion to places it shouldn’t have been. Button really settled into the McLaren suit like it had been made for him, as Webber looked like his Redbull had been made for someone else smaller and more German.

The midfield saw Mercedes struggle to catch the big boys, Renault fail to deliver its revolutionary exhaust to the front. Both of these big spenders found themselves being swamped by the likes of Sauber and Force India. Who might not have been up there challenging the top five, but they were both a constant feature of the lower top ten.

With Torro Rosso suddenly getting their act together for the latter half of the season we’ve had an interesting fight for sixth place all season. If you were watching it of course, it was easy to miss some weekends.

Lower down and Williams has had its worst year ever, Lotus continued to look the most professional, while HRT and Virgin continued to look inept and rubbish. Actually that’s a bit unfair. HRT have tried hard, they weren’t helped by the thing being sold to a bunch of money men, but they turned up to every race and they kept going in the certain knowledge they’d be 3 or 4 laps behind the winner and they didn’t give up. Virgin sold up to the Russians and fired the Wurth squad which was unfair but probably the right thing to do.

I like a plucky underdog and HRT have provided plenty of amusing quotes for me this year.

The drivers market has been a bit static this year. Kubica was the key but then he crashed before he could take the Ferrari seat everyone expected him to claim in 2012. Now with Kubica saying this week he’s not going to be in any F1 cars in 2012 (and I suspect ever, I’m afraid) 2012 could well see the major teams jockeying for drivers for 2013.  Massa, Webber, Hamilton, Schumacher, Sutil and Di Resta are all expected to be moving, some to other teams, other to a long overdue retirement.  Driver like Barrichello are not expected back in 2012 anywhere and Schumacher needs to start justifying the paycheck soon.

Right then.

There is absolutely nothing at all to race for here, except pride. So I expect Webber to be all gungho and balls out to restore some credibility, Hamilton to keep the ball rolling into next year and Massa to start the “getting his finger out to keep his seat for 20 races next year” program. This week Ferrari has told Massa that no seat is guaranteed despite what the contract might say.  So he’s on a notice to start delivering with a bit more consistency. 

but really, Vettel is going to win this one and a McLaren will be behind, probably.

Our championship is still up for grabs so please update your predictions and pray they make a fist of it in Sao Paulo.

Good luck.

Hamilton has a big smile for a change.

Well that was a bit of a turn up for the books wasn’t it? England beat Spain, who would have thought that was possible ? Then to cap a weekend of unusual events, Vettel has a “catastrophic tire failure” and cashes out to let Hamilton take a very welcome win.

To be fair Hamilton has been all over this track since day one, He was robbed of the victory in 2009 by a broken brake disc and just couldn’t match Vettel last year. So it’s about time he won this one. It’s a track like Singapore and Monaco, those tight twisty circuits that require a bit of bravery and a sharp handling car. 

Would he have been able to beat Vettel if it had been a straight fight ? Who cares, it’s about time he had a break and had Lady Luck cruise around on his shoulder. It’s been a tough year with too many silly mistakes and trips to the steward’s office.  So it’s good to see the smile back on his face with a well deserved win.

He lost pole to Vettel in Q3 having set a time in Q2 that would have seen him sitting pretty on pole. The problem with Vettel is that he is fast becoming the qualifying king. He’s always been able to come out and deliver a hot lap when it matters. These days he seems be able to just go out and drive that perfect lap that just blows the opposition away. Better than Webber who has failed spectacularly to be anywhere near matching Vettel the only drivers getting close to him are Alonso and Hamilton.  Who go out and rag the cars like Greece with a bailout cheque, they thrash their poor machines but still end up looking at the back of Vettel exhaust come Sunday afternoon.

So as the cars tore away from the line as the lights went out, we watched Vettel sail into his usual spot at the head of the field with a heavy heart. “oh, it’s going to be one of those races, is it” we thought. Vettel went a touch wide through turn one gave a funny sort of twitch and then swept into turn 2, except the back of the car continued to sweep into turn two long after Vettel had asked it to stop. The front pitched into the air as the rear left tire parted company with the wheel rim and Vettel sailed off the circuit.  Hamilton and co blasted past and never stopped to ask if he was okay.

“Hurrah”, we all chorused, “Now let’s see what our newest double world champion can do with the best car from the back of the pack”. Except, not being used to driving a sick car with a flat tire, he spanked it back to the pits and broke the suspension in the process!

Oh well.

So we were treated to Alonso keeping Hamilton honest for 55 laps

Hamilton never really looked like breaking into any kind of sweat with a controlled race ahead of Alonso. The McLaren had the legs and handling to make sure the Ferrari couldn’t get closer than a few seconds. Tantalisingly close to the magic one second DRS zone, but whenever Alonso got close Hamilton could open out the advantage and stay safely in front, despite various Williams, Torro Rosso’s and the like getting in the way. It wasn’t much of a spectacle, more a sort of high speed chess game.  But given how rough I felt after the party the night before that suited me just fine.  

So then Hamilton gets his third win of the year and jolly well done to him. He Mum was there on her birthday and it was nice to see a happy Hamilton family for a change. He didn’t have to do too much, but avoid the back markers and make sure Alonso didn’t get too close. Some slick pit work from McLaren and a sticky wheel at Ferrari might have robbed us of a grandstand result, but it’s nice to see someone other than a German in the top step this year.  Some of the more excitable press is already saying this is Hamilton of old and he’s going to win the next gazillion races and sweep all before him.  I think it’s a fortuitous win, when he needed the luck to go his way for a change.

Alonso was second and tried hard to take the fight to Lewis. But the old story of the Ferrari not liking the hard tires meant he was always on something of a back foot. I’m sure it’s more than they were expecting, but it continues to be a disappointing season for the team from Italy.

Button managed to salvage third after Alonso caught him napping on lap one. He had a bit of a dice with Webber as his KERS failed during the middle part of the race, with some exciting  moments as the Redbull zipped past in the DRS zone then lost out in the twisty bits. I think this was a race where Button was lucky to get the podium, if Vettel had been alright and Webber hadn’t tried to be too clever he might well have been further back. So I suspect he’ll be happy with this result.

Webber misses the podium in fourth; the car didn’t have the legs on the fast bits and could only overtake with the DRS open and Buttons KERS not working. Tried to be clever at the end with an extra stop and some blinding laps, but it wasn’t enough and he managed to keep fourth only because Massa spun the car fighting thin air. Webber has to look back at this race and think it was a massive failure on his part. Yes, the team wasn’t all that slick at the pit stops, and the car was underpowered on the straights, but he ragged it when he needed to be smooth and got caught out by Button being better when it mattered. Fastest lap will be scant conciliation.

Massa, despite everything just couldn’t blame this one on Hamilton. He had the chance to nab fourth but as seems to happen a lot these days, needed a lot of geeing up from Smedley to stop him from going to sleep in the second half of the race.  Given that Alonso is on the podium, Massa, like Webber, is failing to deliver for his team at the moment. He must feel his days are numbered as a Ferrari driver.

Rosberg was sixth once again ahead of his team mate.

Schumacher didn’t hit anyone this time in Abu Dhabi but couldn’t beat his team mate yet again for seventh

Sutil doesn’t fall asleep and beats his team mate to eighth.

Di Resta did a good job on a circuit that seemed to suit the Force India’s. I would guess that he’s done enough to certainly keep his seat at Force India for next year, Sutil despite a late bid for clemency may well be off. Well let’s hope so anyway. Ninth is okay, it might have been more with a bit of luck.

Kobayashi rounds out the top 10 with the “did he take part in the race I must have missed him” award this week.

Liuzzi makes it home in last place with this extra special quote “....still, I pushed until the very end and got the car past the chequered flag which is a positive thing. It was a difficult race but we got a decent result” that would a decent last place there buddy, two laps behind the winner.

Abu Dhabi 'aving a laugh

Abu Dhabi then ......

...I’ll be honest here; I’m struggling to write anything about this place.

It’s dull, and the highlight is that the sun goes down whilst the race is on.

Its got a big building that lights up in the dark ..

And ......

Last year no one could overtake and Vettel won the championship.

I don’t think that’s going to change this year, Vettel has already won the championship.

Sorry about this, I’m finding it very difficult to write anything interesting about this race, I can’t even get enthusiastic about it.  Vettel will win, probably, one of the McLarens will be second and if the other McLaren hasn’t hit the other Ferrari, it might fight it out with Alonso. Mercedes will follow the big boys home, Petrov might be there or there about and at least one if not both of the Torro Rosso’s will round out the top ten.  

So there you go.  If you have anything to add ... I’m more than happy to share it with the class.   

 Watch it .. or the puppies die.

 and in a shamless attempt to bump the numbers up on this site ... here are a pair of great tits. 

Vettel .... who else

Well that’s made things a little trickier hasn’t it?

I thought Herman Tilke had finally cracked it. The Circuit looked impressive (despite looking a bit rough around the edges) the track had a load of potential we though, there are gradients and blind corners, a couple of long straights that aren’t dead flat and a lovely sweeping corner that goes on forever. Yet it still disappointed. There still wasn’t a race to be had.

Vettel and the Redbull are just too good. Not helped by drivers falling over each other yet again. But still, he was miles away from being challenged nailing the pole, fastest lap, win triumvirate just to rub it in.

Anyway, at 150mph according to F1 designer Garry Anderson, your average 2011 Formula One car will generate about 1200Kgs of down force. That’s about the same weight as all the celebrities from ‘strictly come dancing’ waltzing on top of the car. The old cliché goes; an F1 car could drive through a tunnel upside down if the driver was mad enough, with just the down force sticking him and the car to the roof.

 What this means in reality is that an F1 car comes alive at the sort of speeds that would put an EU finance meeting about face to shame. The tap dancing celebs mean your F1 car can change direction eye wateringly, mind bendingly fast. They dance through the corners flicking left and right in the blink of an eye; they glide like professional dancers waltzing from one end of the floor to the other with a cheeky wink to the judges half way through. A nod and a glint of white teeth maybe even glimpse of fake tan and it’s on to the next pirouette.

Sometimes, of course these whirling, twirling dances can come over all Ann Widdicombe rather than Margo Fonteyn, a lunge here a miss step there and a dangerous leap at the apex

Witness one Felipe Massa who, after Friday afternoon practice, said;

“It’s a very interesting track and there are corners where driving skill can make a difference.”

What he was obviously referring to there, was turns eight and nine in the middle section of the lap. Where, at the climax of qualifying he clouted the big, obvious, orange concrete block designed to stop cars cutting the corner at turn eight. But not contented with that, during the race he clouted the big, obvious, orange concrete block designed to stop cars cutting the corner at turn nine. Breaking the front suspension both times, thus demonstrating “where driving skill” can indeed “make the difference.” 

I’m not going to go into the Hamilton/Massa incident, you all know what I’m going to say anyway and I’m not changing my opinion of either Hamilton or Massa. Go and hunt around the web for various ex Formula one drivers and those that should know better to hear their knee jerk, agenda filled nonsense. It’s getting nasty between those two now, Ferrari and McLaren need to sort it out one way or the other, before we have to stand on the grid for another minutes silence for a dead driver.

I shall leave Mr Atkinson to have the final comment

So India then, I rather liked the track, thought it was exciting and I’ll never get tired of watching a driver dance through a high speed chicane as long as I live.  Was it dull because there was no race as such?

 Maybe?

 It certainly wasn’t empty like Korea or China and that, I think, helped to put some of the shine back onto it. Maybe next year we’ll have a four way fight for the championship to spark it into life, this felt a bit too much like a test session at time. But I shall be looking forward to this race next year.

So then Vettel, has now lead more race laps in a season than anyone else, ever. Back in the day when facial hair was considered perfectly fine for an English driver Nigel Mansell lead 692 on his way to the title of world Champion. Vettel has managed to beat that target with two races to go, no other driver has led more than 100 laps! He gets yet another win; having cruised to an easy pole (added by Massa destruction testing his suspension in qualifying) then got the fastest lap at the end of the race for good measure. It’s all too easy for him isn’t it.

Button didn’t see much of him in second place, after passing Webber on the first lap, and then fooled himself into believing that he was somehow fighting for the lead. Still it’s another podium trophy to add to the collection. Keeps the pay check ticking over if nothing else.  

Third place for Alonso, see Jenson above. Passed Webber during the pit stop and collects another trophy.

 Personally I think the debate about Vettel being one of the greats might be over in reality. Just look at Webber in fourth, he’s achieving nothing of note this year, someone even suggested he would be allowed to win a race by Vettel now it’s all over. That’s got to be a kick in the nuts hasn’t it, to be smirked at so much that people suggest the only way he’s going to win is if his team mate gives him a win.  Yes Mark, you’re not too bad for a Number two driver you chump

Fifth for Schumacher, very almost got to have a race with Nico, but then didn’t

Nico, who was told he was free to race Mickey at the end, as long as they kept it clean, knew that was code for “Mercedes do not want you bending their cars when Mickey carves you up ‘defending’ fifth place. Give it up lad”. So he duly waited in line like a good boy.

Hamilton, another weekend to forget I’m afraid. Watching him in the post race interview, saying he tried to talk to Massa and getting no response after the minutes silence on the grid. You could see in his eyes he’s kind of lost and doesn’t understand where it’s all gone so wrong. You know what he needs is a father son chat in a quite boozer when this season is all over. He needs the rock that was his father back there helping him make sense of all the chaos. My biggest fear is that he walks away from motor sport at the end of the year. He is a phenomenal talent in the same way that Trulli isn’t, the most exciting British driver in a generation and we can’t lose that.

 We’ve lost too many British sports stars this year already.  

Alguersuari continues to do rather good things in the Torro Rosso, with yet another eighth place finish. I truly believe that we are seeing a driver build his stock up here. The Redbull driver program gradates normally get fired for being rubbish, But Algy looks like he might find himself with a seat next year if this keeps happening. Maybe he’s got his act together as the threat of being fired has caught up with him, or it might be Redbull spending a bit of money on the junior team for a change. But the result is Algy get the points whilst the like of Kobayashi fail to deliver.

Sutil bags a ninth, remember him? He used to be the next big thing, now it looks like he’s on the way to Williams, that’s if Kimi doesn’t get there first of course. He’s made the classic mistake of demanding that the team tell him if he’s got a seat next year at Force India. Liuzzi tried that last year and now he’s in an HRT, a salutary lesson for us all there.  

Finally Perez does his PR some good with a tenth place finish. Would you have “slow but steady” Perez or “scary and delusional” Massa in a Ferrari next year, a question important people are starting to ask at Ferrari. Once again the lack of any sort of support for Massa after the race was noticeable by its absence wasn’t it? Where was Dominicali calling for Hamilton to be banned back to the Stone Age? If Perez keeps this up he could be Alonso’s new whipping boy team mate very soon.

I still don’t like him, but that’s by the by.

Oh and finally our hero of poor power steering Trulli rumbles home five laps behind the leader dead, dead last. Almost 3 laps behind Karthikeyan who hasn’t even races this year, good old Trulli.

Will the circuit be finished by Sunday ?

Well then, it looks like everyone who needs to has finally arrived, so let us begin.

So India then and the inaugural Formula One race at the Buddh International Circuit in Greater Noida, New Delhi.  Narain Karthikeyan gets a ride in the HRT whilst Karun Chandhok gets told he’s not as good as Trulli and is relegated to Lotus pit lane tour guide for the weekend.

It’s a brand spanking new (Tilke) circuit that looks somewhat like Turkey, China and Korea. It’s more finished than Korea was last year, but it’s a bit slapped together in places with the BBC five live team questioning their commentary box having no windows earlier in the week.

 No doubt it was time to turn up in the world’s fifth largest economy and try and sell some cars to the locals that aren’t dirt poor. But as with a lot of things in India these days it would appear that a lot of time has been spent writing reports and shifting farmers off the land, and not much time spent finishing off buildings with tools such as a set squares or a spirit levels.

I know it’s not the done thing, but really .... this is the fifth largest economy in the world and it still can’t build a major sporting venue without bits of it falling down before the event takes place. I suppose it’s better than having a few floaters in the swimming pool and a pack of wild dogs hanging around the competitor’s accommodation.  But really, Abu Dhabi managed to build a new track without having to rebuild it the day after the first race finished.

Okay, so then this being a new track that as far as I know hasn’t been troubled by anything with an engine and sticky rubber running on it. It’s going to be extremely green and very dusty for the whole weekend; this makes it a lottery in terms of picking a finisher let alone a top ten.  

Tires then, it’s all going to be about the tires, the team that gets a handle on their tires and how they’re reacting to the new circuit as it rubbers in, and comes up to speed is going to have an advantage.   All the teams have topological and simulation data on the track, but no one has any experience of the surface and how it reacts to heat and the load of the tires. It’s going to be slippery and chew tires up to begin with, the question will be how long will the tires last when they get to the midpoint of the race.

 Given that none of this matters though, except for Force India who are running for pride, I don’t think any of the team will be trying all that hard. Other than Force India in fact I’m struggling to think of any teams that have India sponsorship to worry about, maybe the back end of the grid will pick up some local pin money. But Ferrari doesn’t sell too many cars east of Dubai, Redbull sell a few drinks but not as much as they do in Europe, whilst McLaren has two British drivers I suppose.  

Redbull then, though McLaren went very well in Korea last week, until the race when Vettel got back up to speed obviously.

Hey ... maybe Webber will finally get his act together and do something other than go backwards.

In other news New York ... sorry New Jersey USA will be getting a Grand Prix in 2013. Whoopty doo. Yet another circuit shoe horned into a city. Look Monaco is fine, we’ll have it because, well, we’ve always had it. Montreal doesn’t look like a city so that’s okay.

 But have they learnt nothing from Valencia? This year all the talk on the commentary was about the architecture and the fact that they have a race. Not about the race, because yet again there wasn’t really one, just the car running around an empty dockyard which on Monday morning would be turned back into a fish market.

America has some fantastic circuits that, whilst maybe not up to FIA speck, are superb circuits for actual racing on. Lime Rock, Laguna Seca, , Road America (Elkhart Lake) and Watkins Glen all have history and more importantly Herman Tilke has been nowhere near them. Why can’t we go to these circuits? No one in Texas gives a monkies about F1 they’re all NASCAR red necks through and through. Even Indy car struggles down south these days. New York is all about the money yet again.

But hey, as long as Bernie is getting paid, it’s all good isn’t it.

Talking of Bernie, the finger pointing and “it was him I gave the money too” backside coverage that has been going on in Bavaria over the past year, has finally arrived at the courts.  To recap, when CVC bought the rights to Formula one, it is alleged that Bernie paid former BayernLB bank executive Gerhard Gribkowshy just a whole shed load of cash for “advice” on selling F1. Now I don’t know about you, but if someone offered you $44 million dollars for advice, you’d expect more than a slap up meal and a round of brandies in the smoking room later.

Bernie has claimed it’s all above board and totally fine Guv’ner, whilst the Bavarian authorities continue to investigate his involvement.  Everyone knows he’s a shady character, but I doubt they’ll be able to pin anything on him this time.

Dan Weldon RIP.

Dan Weldon just got killed at the Last Vegas Indy car race . . 



It's a monster 15 car pile up at 200mph.

Very very sad ... Motor sport is still a dangerous sport, but you forget how dangerous it is until something like this happens.

Fuck.

RIP

Redbull rampage through the history books

Well there we go then. It only took one more race but Redbull has now managed to win not only the world drivers’ championship but the constructor too.

There isn't much left for the rest to pick up now. Second place I suppose, but who cares about that really?

 Who was second last year? .... See you don't care do you.

 And the feeling of not really giving a monkeys pervaded the paddock in Korea this weekend. When Hamilton drove a simply stunning lap to claim his first pole of the year, it was a very much muted Lewis that got out off the car.

 There were no high fives, no "nice work lads, and thanks for giving me a fast car". No, he got out and walker off to the press conference. It later emerged from the media that "words" may have been spoken in Japan along the lines of "get your act together and stop blaming everyone else Lewis". I have no idea of the validity of these claims. But given the muted reaction of the McLaren squad, I think everyone is looking forward to the end of the year.

Anyway, come race day and after a valiant 30 seconds of letting Hamilton lead, Vettel overtook the McLaren and drove off for yet another easy win. Hurrah!

Lewis and Webber, meanwhile where having a proper dingdong battle for second place behind him. With very little running in practice the teams had a bit of stab in the dark over set up, tire wear was thought to be a bit of an issue and it was a decision of long straight low down force or high down force twisty bits.  With no full tanks dry running they didn’t know how much wing to run to look after the tires.

Redbull went with more down force for the twisty bits and Webber was half a second faster than Lewis who had geared it long for the kilometer long straight. As the race moved into the final third, Webber behind Lewis would close up to the gearbox of the McLaren as they came out of the “street section” onto the start finish line, but coming out of turn one Lewis nailed the KERS and dragged the car far enough ahead to cover Webber as he came back at him.

It was stirring stuff. Trulli managed to get in the way (yet again) at one stage and Webber got the drop on Hamilton out of turn one. But Lewis got his KERS and DRS fired up and as they reached the end of the long straight he retook second, proper old school racing with no quarter given and no bits of carbon fiber flying off either.

Normally when Webber gets up behind someone it’s only a matter of time before it all goes horribly wrong and he punts them up the back side. Lewis this year too, seems to have been having a bit of brain fade when other drivers start invading his personal space. But not this time, both drivers behaved themselves and we had some classic dicing.  

And yet … well it still felt like the drivers were going through the motions for second place. It wasn’t all that exciting because it didn’t really matter in the grand scheme of things. Who wants to be second? Okay yes, Lewis is a born fighter who needed to at least finish to get his mojo working again. Whilst Webber, who has failed abysmally to achieve anything of note this year, was driving for pride if nothing else.

Still you know hmmmm.

Jenson joined to watch the fun from a respectable distance towards the end and Alonso joined for company.  Alonso had a race to forget and Jenson was never really in the hunt for anything. But then none of them really had a bats chance in the proverbial, as Vettel was out there making it look oh so easy.

So then Vettel, well you know the drill by now … Missed pole by about yay much for a change, but took the lead after 200 yards or so and then wondered where everyone else got too. Got the fastest lap of the race on the last lap, just to show how much better at this he and the car are.  Ho hum.

Hamilton second, we had flashes of the old Lewis during the race. But the swaggers gone, the ease and style are missing. He’s better than anyone when it’s all on the same song sheet. But a brilliant balls out watch me and eat the dust you suckers pole should have pointed the way to an easy victory. But he couldn’t catch Vettel and had to pull it all out of the bag to stay ahead of Webber. I pray to the Gods of four stroke and Pirelli rubber next year car is good enough for him.

Webber, took the fight to Hamilton, but just didn’t have enough oomph out of the first corner to worry Lewis till the end of the lap. It’s been a bad year for the Ozzy and that’s not going to change soon.

Jenson 4^th, after last week’s lights to flag easy win he was off the pace this time around and couldn’t touch the faster boys.  Saving the tires and fuel weren’t enough this time around and he had to give best to his team mate for a change.

Alonso struggled to get the tires to work, as he has all season and struggled once again to beat Massa. Who has apparently out qualified him four out of the last six times? I suspect they’re testing bits for next year’s car; it’s the only logical explanation.

Massa 6^th. And he didn’t hit Lewis or anyone else this time …. Hurrah.

Alguersuari has a barn stormer and hauls his sorry backside up to 7^th. Okay Mickey Schumacher got broadsided by Petrov being an idiot. But Algy beat the faster Force India’s and Rosberg on merit in a straight fight. Give the lad his dues, he’s done well.

Rosberg, yes he was in the race and he got 8^th

Buemi … yes I know, he’s still driving …. Who knew? And he gets 9^th.

Paul Di Resta ups his stock again and drives it home to 10^th, good job.

There you go then. We have a two week break until we should be going to India; there are a few question marks over money and customs letting stuff in and out of the country in time. The track looks to be mostly finished, there are some angry locals complaining they aren’t on the gravy train or seeing any of the money they were promised for their land (they’ll soon learn that was all a pack of lies). There are lots of Media types wondering if it’s worth the risk of dysentery to cover a race that means nothing.

So we’ll see what happens in the next week or so. Personally on the grounds Bernie complained about Silverstone being a third world track, I think they should go and see what an actual third world track is like.  Though I can’t believe there is as much mud in New Delhi in October, as there is at Silverstone in July.

Korea
The long blunt needle of speed nudges deeper into the upper reaches of the dial, gently caressing the soft redness where the engine stops murmuring and starts to purr and moan, growling with heightened desire. Eyes narrow as the driver feels the urgent throb building behind him, waiting for the howl and scream, the explosive trust of force propelling him into orbit.

Time slows as the heat rises, any second now and it will all be released in one huge detonation of noise and speed waiting for great gobs of torque to come hard and fast through the drive shaft to the wheels, which will rend and claw at the tarmac leaving their sticky residue in long thick lines.

The heartbeat quickens, sweat begins to prickle the skin of the driver, hot life giving fluid is pumped by machine. A rising crescendo of throbbing vibration and violent noise as first one then another light is sparks into life, the heart beats wait and then suddenly the lights are gone The cars are launched up the road in their haste to depart the scene before they are asked to pay for their ungentle manly manhandling of the pristine layer of tarmac.

Everywhere there is noise and movement. Flashing machines bark and snap left and right fighting to be freed from the grip of gravity and momentum. Twisting and turning driver and car wrestle each other for control, sweat stinging eyes, temperatures rising hot sticky rubber wearing thin with the strain of keeping everything planted on the edge of control, of adhesion and the short trip to the dark undergrowth and hard, hard wall. Quick precise fingers caress the gentle curves of the circuits, teasing the car to ever greater heights of desire to go faster and faster, building all the time.

Man and machine writhing together, faster and faster the cars pulsating around and around the track until finally the matador stands before the crowd and waves the flag in the face of the rampaging bulls and stallions, the crowd releases its breath in a wave of shouted exultation.

Then suddenly the champagne is being sprayed hard and fast high into the air and over the gently cooling bodies of the cars below. Fountains and fountains of sweet sticky fizz, eyes screwed shut against the jets of ice cold liquid. The media scrum a frenzy of flashlights blazing to capture the moments, the open eyed moment of glory as the victor, fist clenched, finger hard and pointing to the watching throng, demands their adulation and recognition.

I think Vettel will win.

Well all right ... well done lad.

Vettel and his finger of win Part two.

So he did it then.

Finally

Vettel has won his second championship, a back to back championship no less and he is the youngest driver to do so.

You can’t really argue with the results either, he’s beaten everyone without too much difficulty. Poles, podiums and enough wins to write a new chapter in the record books headed “The next generation”.

So why does it all feel like such and anticlimax? Where’s the Hullabaloo, the Pizzazz and razzamatazz?  Where are the bright lights, big fanfare and sparkly jackets, the dancing girls and fireworks of flashlight photography?

This is what happens when you win the title with four races to go. The circus has to be in Korea by Wednesday to set up for the next round of the now redundant championship. So there’s no time to get all worked up. And because this has been telegraphed for six months, it’s no big surprise. Not like last year when Vettel came from behind and snatched the prize from under noses of Alonso and Webber. This year it has felt like a foregone conclusion since pretty much the first round. Vettel has just had that aura around him that this is destined to happen, that this is as inevitable as the Sun rising tomorrow and a Conservative MP getting embroiled in a dirty little sex and nepotism scandal.

But despite the aura I’m still not convinced he’s the second coming either. Yes there is the pass on the outside of the Curva Grande, two wheels on the grass past a Ferrari on cold tires. But that was the highlight of an otherwise undemanding year!

I think the other drivers have dropped the ball and missed chances to take the fight to Vettel. Whilst he has undoubtedly performance as required all season as he is paid to do, go out and win every week lad. There hasn’t been a consistent challenge to him in reality

Hamilton has over driven a poor car and tripped over other, less talented, drivers. 

Webber has driven into far too many drivers again and made basic in qualifying and school boy errors off the line time and again.

Alonso has been hobbled by a Ferrari that couldn’t seem to get its tires to work at half the circuits and seemed to go backwards at half distance. 

Only Button has got his act together and the second half of the season has seen him get his mojo finally up to speed. But alas for the spectacle it has been too little too late.

Today’s win was another pretty good one in a year of pretty good drives. He seems to have grown in confidence and stature as the season has gone on and now it seems that McLaren are turning into the Jenson Button team.  More through a process of the team just following the success of a driver rather than an Alonso giving it all the “big I am”. This more than anything has probably contributed to Hamilton having a year to forget. The realisation that results are what a team need to gel it around a driver, rather than a feisty girlfriend and a few hip hop stars on the guest list. 

This race was another where Jenson just seemed to be on top of his game all weekend. He missed pole by the gnats proverbial left testicle, but if you need a driver to nail it lap after lap when the tires are not working, Jenson is your man. So as the Vettels and Hamilton's chewed through tires he just kept his head together and worked the car to win the race.  A good pit stop and being Mr Consistent left the other drivers to scrap for the second step. He didn’t look like he was going to lose all day. Even when Vettel tried to drive him off the circuit at the start of the race, the new improved calm Button just got his act together and drove the perfect race.

It was all rather dull in the end.

Hamilton and Massa reconvened their on circuit spats again. This time Massa attempted a very ambitious move around the outside of Hamilton into the chicane at the end of the lap. Oddly, this “avoidable contact” didn’t end with the (Ferrari) driver getting a drive through after he clouted a  car he was trying to overtake .... one rule for the, one rule for the rest.

Not that it made much difference to either Hamilton or Massa. Both look like they want the season to end so that can leave the media spotlight for a bit.

As for the rest, I don’t know. I was half asleep after watching the Bathurst race. 

Stuff like this.

Exciting stuff, i think you'll agree, anyway.

I think I fell asleep for the last few laps. Vettel got told to go for the points and leave Alonso and Button to it. Button was a bit touch and go on the fuel, but was far enough ahead at the end to protect his lead.

So a very creditable win for Button at what he called his other home race. He seemed pretty happy with the result and I think he deserves it. Vettel tried to put the frighteners on his at the start, squeezing him onto the grass as they all raced into turn one. Three or four years ago that sort of thing would have got the blood boiling and Jenson would have been all over the show. These days he gets his head down and wins. You can’t ask for much more than that, he even got the fastest lap for good measure.

Alonso got second, finally the ability of the Ferrari to not work its tires pays off and he gets a podium result for his troubles. Kept Button honest at the end, but didn’t look like he was going to catch and pass the plucky Brit in the remaining laps. Vettels was protecting his championship point so wasn’t going to try anything Banzi any time soon.

Vettel does what needs doing and rode lady luck all the way to third. Was a bit naughty with the squeeze on Jenson at the start, the fact is, that is the only time so far this year that you could say he has been naughty, gone is the “crash kid” tag it would seem. Anyway, had thoughts of going for the win, but an older wiser voice told him not to and he settled for the points and the championship.

Webber, who has been comprehensible beaten all year, fails to make the podium in the best car again. Gone is the posturing and the “it’s so unfair they all hate me” shtick. He’s being very quite these days, admitting his shot at the title was last year and he missed it.  Like Massa I don’t think he’ll take to being a number two driver very well. The truth can be just a cruel as Lady Luck.

Hamilton. Chewed his tires and hit Massa again for 5^th. Like an England Rugby team, brilliant to watch when it all goes right, frustrating when the promise fails to deliver. But I still think he’s brilliant.

Schumacher was 6^th apparently.

Massa was just as rubbish as normal in 7^th

Perez with a head cold that would have felled lesser men was just as boring and tedious as usual and picked up more points for Sauber in 8^th. I think he’s turning into my new Trulli. Just sort of annoyingly there and under the mistaken belief he’s actually good rather than extremely well sponsored.

Petrov .... yes .. remember him? Well he’s 9^th for Renault as Senna who replaced an under performing Nick Heidfeld got 16^th. It’s not just about the money remember, but it helps. Anyway Petrov got some points. He’ll know his fate in a week or two after Kubica gets into the simulator to see if his new bionic arms work.  

Rosberg does a cracking job coming from the back of the grid to 10th after he failed to set a qualifying time due to “technical” problems with the car on Saturday.

This week’s tail end Charlie is the ever reliable Liuzzi. Who spent most of the event sitting at the back of the pits watching mechanics take engines out and slot new engines into his HRT. I’m talking bets on how long it is before he gets fired for next years driver to get some miles under his belt.

  

So then, Vettel picks up where he left of last year, but does it with a lot more ease, less broken bits and no whinging from his team make. If it wasn’t for that bloody finger, I might actually like the man.