Canada and Schumacher .. maybe ?

Here is a question for you;

Is Alonso dragging a terrible car to the podium, or is Massa underperforming in a great car ?

Because Alonso is now leading the world championship in what is assumed to be a terrible car, whilst his team mate is looking at getting fired any day now. But if the car is so terrible ? Why should he be facing the dole queue ?

You can’t have two brilliant drivers in a team. It NEVER works out, Senna and Prost didn’t speak for over half a season at McLaren whilst Mansell and Piquet accused each other of favouritism at Williams.

So the reality is if you want team harmony you have one driver who is brilliant and one driver who is safe and steady and picks up the points.  One is there to drive the backside off the car and the other is there to make sure when the star sticks it in the Armco the team gets some points. Hamilton and Button would be the perfect example of this ethos.  You always want to watch Lewis on a hot lap because it’s a thing of beauty, a car being spanked to places it shouldn’t go, where the angles smoke ciggies and flicks the Vs at the journey men.  Whilst Button will drive the same damn line lap after lap and never rag it or throw it around. If it is wet you just know he’s going to be up the sharp end.

This year those that should know are pointing at Alonso and saying; what a cracking job he’s doing with a terrible car that doesn’t deserve to be anywhere near the podium what so ever. So far he’s been 5^th, 1^st, 9^th, 7^th, 2^nd and 3^rd whilst the hapless Massa retired in Australia and was then 15^th, 13^th, 9^th, 15^th, and 6^th. Therefore he must be utterly rubbish and Alonso utterly brilliant.

But that’s not really the story of this year and I think the Ferrari PR machine, or more specifically the Alonso PR Machine is feeding this myth that the car is terrible. Because no one is dominating this year as the tyres are still a total mystery to all of the teams. So this year isn’t about the how good the car is as a whole it’s about how the driver uses the tyres and Alonso would rather people thought the car was rubbish and he was doing a sterling job rather than the car is pretty much on a par with the McLarens, Redbulls and Merc. Which are prone to bad days and good days as the track and the tyres change. And he has just been lucky a couple of times when the tyres and track come to him.

Right so yeah, the point is; I don’t think Massa is going to get fired anytime soon. Yeah he is a bit rubbish but the top ten in Monaco is going to keep his backside in red for a while yet. Alonso is good and he’s got a car that when it all comes together is good enough to win. But so has Webber and Button and even Hamilton, if Lady Luck stopped being in a huff with him.

Six races and six different drivers and I think anyone could win the next one. Even Massa if it all comes together at the right moment for him. Well alright maybe not Massa, but how about Schumacher ... the talk this week has been about the Mercs and how good they are in a straight line, now they seem to have a bit of a handle on the tyres, a dry track could see the once mighty old world champion get his act together an deliver Mercedes the win they’ve paid for.

Why not ? it’s just as likely as Webber winning in Monaco and Maldonado winning in Spain after all.   

Franchitti wins Indy 500

And well done to Dario for his third Indy 500 win.

Wheres the rain when you really need it ?

Monaco then ... well that was a bit dull wasn’t it ?

Someone needs to point out to the teams that just sticking your hand up from behind the banks of data screens will tell you if it is actually raining or not!  

Everyone was waiting for the rain that never came, trying to make their tyres last as long as possible and well, just sort of rumbling along in a train.  Massa, who surprisingly was in the top six for a change, was only 6.2 seconds behind the lights to flag winner Webber. This on paper would suggest a close exciting razzle dazzle finish, with cars jockeying for position right to the line wouldn’t it ?

But in truth it was all over as a race after the first turn, Hamilton got a slow start which bunched up the faster starting Ferraris, who pushed Grosjean out into Schumacher. He tried to avoid the Lotus but couldn’t avoid the rear left of the black and gold car running into his front right, which pitched Grosjean into a half spin and carnage to the back of the grid boys.  

Maldonardo, last week’s hero and next owner of Massa’s seat at Ferrari, failed to heed the mantra “Don’t believe the hype lad” and first took a swipe at Perez in free practice for allegedly blocking the Venezuelan. Then lied his face off to the stewards about it, claiming the car had “slid out” and he was “correcting it” as he drove across the track into the front left wheel of Perez. The stewards told him to shut it and gave him a 10 place penalty, and then he broke his gearbox and got another five place penalty. Which put him 23^rd one place ahead of Perez who had crashed in qualifying after his front left wheel had suddenly and mysteriously stopped working after being damaged somewhere.  

So after last weeks heroic the star of Venezuelan motor racing had a chance to redeem himself with a fine drive from the back, just like Hamilton did last time and prove he has the driving chops to play with the big boys of the upper fifth. Well that was the plan ... except he piled into the back of Pedro De La Rosa, broke the nose off the Williams, limped round after the rest of the field and eventually crashed it into the barrier at the Lowes hairpin. Classic.

That was the highlight really. Is was slow and dull and nothing really happened. But that’s what happens at Monaco there isn’t enough room to overtake if the driver in front has any talent or a healthy car. The DRS zone is too short and a goes through a big long corner and the breaking zones are all single file.

 Hamilton just whinged all day about his team not helping him, didn’t drive fast enough whilst trying to look after his tyres and did his best with what he had.  Alonso looked faster than him all day and jumped him at the pit stop, then Vettel went forever on his set of soft tires before jumping past Hamilton at his stop and pushing the feisty English lad back to 5^th place. Still it was better than Jenson “where has the balance gone guys?” Button who also made a rubbish start and ended up behind Kovalainen in 14^th for most of the race before binning it in a do or die move.  Those are the highlights ..... hmmm

So then Webber becomes the sixth different driver to win this year, a new record and jolly well done to him. He did have to work at it, he controlled the drivers behind him as they all waited for the rain, didn’t hit anyone or anything and did what he had to do.  It wasn’t the most exciting race for him but a win is a win and this year the championship is going to come down to day like this where points are saved and the likes of Button lose them.

Rosberg had a few stabs at trying to make a race of it, but couldn’t get close enough out of the final corner to trouble Webber too much. A fine job in qualifying netted 2^nd place at the start and that’s where he stayed all race.

Alonso shows that Ferrari have turned their killer car round into a beast with pedigree at last. He was faster then Hamilton for most of the race and as the track cooled he took advantage of a slow McLaren pit stop and took third from the Brit. A fine result which now means he leads the drivers championship, and that all that matters really.

Vettel tried to be clever and very nearly pulled it off, started on the prime “hard” tyres and went deep in to the race before changing, at one stage he was 22 seconds ahead of Webber and could have pitted for the super softs and kept the lead. But he would then have needed to run 40 odd laps on the very soft rubber, which would have left him in trouble at the end of the race so he held out for the rain that never came. When he did pit he came out in front of Hamilton and never looked like losing or gaining from there.

Hamilton could see the winner four seconds ahead of him for most of the last 15 laps. That must hurt, to be so close and not be able to do a damn thing about it. When , no really just when is his luck going to change ?  The gap to Alonso is now 10 points in the driver championship and he is slowly slipping further back, as Webber leapfrogs him.  He needs a win soon to reward the effort. Although he could have been a bit faster  when Vettel was leading to save 4^th really.

Massa, surprisingly said this was going to be the restart of his season and it was ... I know, I'm just as surprised. The Media are now saying that Massa should get Massa’s seat at Ferrari and put Massa out of his misery for Massa. But if everything goes to form this new owners of Massa’s seat at Ferrari will have a terrible next race out.

Di Resta was 7^th ahead of his team mate again

Hulkenburg did alright for 8^th.

Kimi was 9^th after holding most of the field up for moist of the race waiting for the first rain shower that didn’t turn up.

And Senna round out the top ten and is being linked with no one’s seat anywhere, not even his own.

Our last places driver as usual is Karthikeyan, who lest be far got out of the way in a really professional way a lot of the time and didn’t hit anyone. So well done to him.

Right it’s late, two weeks till we get back to a proper track in Canada, see you all there.

Winner number six is on the way

So then, five races completed with five different winners in five different teams. Shall we have a look at those five different winning combination?

1. Australia: Button - McLaren
2. Malaysia: Alonso -Ferrari
3. China: Rosberg - Mercedes
4. Bahrain: Vettel - Redbull
5. Spain: Maldonado – Williams

It’s an interesting bunch is it not? With two new faces in the line up that we have not seen before, one was knocking on the door marked “win” for some time whilst the other said “paid drivers only”.   The others have visited the top step numerous times over the years, two of the drivers are double would champions.  Vettel and Alonso are now tied at the top of the heap with 61 points each, Vettel has complained about the handling of his Redbull whilst Alonso has complained about his whole Ferrari. Experience, determination and shear bloody grit is driving these two to get points out of cars that don’t want to play. Button thought he had a car to take him back to the lifestyle marked “World Champion” but the team and the tyres has worked against him.

But to me, the most interesting thing about that list is who is missing from it.

Where are Hamilton and Kimi? Two of the fastest and most determined racing drivers you will ever have the privilege to see on that thin ribbon of tarmac.

Lewis and Alonso have been the best drivers this year, constantly driving out of their skins to deliver points as either the car fights them or the team makes yet more mistakes. But, Alonso has got a win and is leading the championship with Vettel and Lewis has only three 3^rd and two 8^th places to show for all his hard work.

Whilst all the media was clamouring to talk to this week’s “next Ferrari driver” they over looked a drive from the back of the grid to a solid points paying top ten spot and he did it on a two stopper. A driver normally slated for burning his tires up as fast as he can, beating his team mate on the way who could only go from 11^th to 9^th. That was a brilliant points saving drive that keeps him in third behind Vettel and Alonso.

Meanwhile Kimi has, completely against my expectations I will admit, blown back into F1 after tooling around the forests of the world and shown Schumacher how a comeback is done.

He learnt in China that the tyres can go off very, very suddenly. The team was overly cautious in Bahrain with tyres capable of taking the win from Vettel and he almost stole 2^nd from Alonso in the dying laps of Spain.  He is going to get a win this year, as long as Lotus can keep ahead of the McLaren Ferrari and Redbull development curve that is. Meanwhile Schumacher has bitched and moaned about the tyres being rubbish and then drove into the back of Senna for good measure. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

This week’s big seat rumour is that Mickey will be getting the heave ho before the end of the season and a promising young Scot from the Force India side of Mercedes will be parachuted in to pick up the points.

Massa has been told to shape up or ship out by Ferrari ... yet again. But until they can come to terms with another team I suspect Massa is going nowhere (given how well he went in Spain) literally.

Also being told to get his act together is Senna at the new fighting fit Williams. As the dawning realisation hits that they have a car that can win, they’re looking at their drivers and looking at the cheque they bring and the points they’ve got. Most drivers know that Williams is a team with a winning history, so lots of well paid drivers are starting to knock at Franks door with better term and better cheques than poor old Bruno. Even before Pastor won there were questions about Bruno's long term future in F1, I’ve never rated him as a winner so this is not a surprise at all to me. I'm sure he’s a nice bloke and all, but Williams can do better.

So then Monaco where, coincidently Lewis has always gone well (yes, yes apart from last year) and Kimi has demonstrated a win or bust attitude to the place.  It’s always a bit of a lottery, round here, and tyres that have a mind and life of their own will certainly spice things up.

 Pastor is talking his race up, taking every chance he gets to tell the media how much he loves the twisty circuit.  But then all drivers say that when they are fresh faced and new to the glitz of the winners circle. But will he be a first to get a second win this year ... I'm not sure he has it. You need to know when to fight the battles round here to win the war. Last year as Hamilton was tooling around working out his anger management issues on the track and generally behaving like a Chav in a stolen Astra round the local estate, Pastor tried to pick a fight and demonstrate he had some balls. He came off worst in a car that was never in the reckoning to begin with, he should have just let Lewis past and driven for the points, not tried to make a point.

This year he has a better car but Monaco is not the best place start believe all the media has generated around you. You still have to do they driving and avoiding the barrier which is no respecter or ability what so ever, just ask Alonso or Perez about how hard it can be.

And I'm sorry but it all comes back to the tyres, the guy of pole can drive the race he wants. He doesn’t have to follow anyone and the back markers have to get out of his way. He can nurse the tyres look after and protect them. The cars behind are chasing the leader, they will be moving around behind him burning up the rubber and shorting the life of the tyre.

Nowhere else does pole count for so much than Monaco, and who is the best qualifying driver this year? Our boy Lewis, with three (one of which was illegal I grant you) so far this year.  So this has to be it, this time the team isn’t going to screw up, Lady Luck is going to smile on the lad and give him the pole and the win, this time. 

It's back to Europe and racing at a sensible time

Hello race fans, welcome back to the start of the European season and the dull as dish water Grand Prix of Spain at Barcelona. If you have something else to do this weekend … I suggest you do that, rather than watch this. I’m off to the Middlesex rugby sevens at Twickenham this weekend so the results might be delayed a bit.

So what’s been happening these last few weeks then ?

The teams were testing in season last week for the first time in years. It was all very low key with teams testing new bits of kit and giving nothing away. Redbull and Lotus have called it a waste of time, Ferrari crashed a car and Schumacher grumped about the tires. McLaren tried out a new higher nose which might well turn up this weekend in Spain.

Schumacher has continued his unprovoked attack on Pirelli and their tires. He is now claiming that after a handful of laps as the tires go off, it’s like driving on raw eggs! Now I don’t know about you, but I can’t remember the last time I watched a motor racing event where a half ton of raw eggs were spread over the track with hilarious results. So I’m not too sure where Mr Schumacher is coming from on this one.

There are a lot of people pointing out that Kimi made the podium after four races whilst the seven times world champion Mercedes driver is yet to get a sniff of the champagne spray since his return. And whilst Kimi looks like he’s not lost any of that raw speed and ruthless will to win, Mickey is sort of messing around the middle of the pack. Okay he has a wheel fall off in china, when Nico won, but he’s not dominated a weekend like the good old days.

Added to this the rumour mill has the board of directors at Mercedes HQ, getting rather hot and bothered about signing off on another year. Okay Nico won .. but he’s not really German enough to justify the gazillions of Euros it’s costing the car manufacturer to tool around the midfield. Especially as it appears that Lotus has a couple of handy drivers and a good car under them.

Of course they’ve denied they’re about to up sticks and head to DTM just like BMW did. But the pressure for more results is falling firmly on Mickey’s shoulders, and I think the Pirelli attack maybe an attempt to justify the lack of wins.

Another week goes by and another driver is being linked to Massa’s seat at Ferrari. After flavour of the moment Perez forgot to read page two of the script where he won the next race, he has been dismissed by the media who have now decided that Ferrari needs to sign Webber as soon as physically possible, if not before. The report earlier this week was that Webber has a contract in place for 2013, a report strenuously denied by pretty much everyone. Ferrari, Redbull and Webber himself have all said it’s a load of rubbish and I pretty much believe them.

If Alonso is going to see out his career in red, then they need a good solid number two that will understand the phase, “Teflonso is fast than you buddy”. Something Webber singularly failed to understand when Horner told him that “Seb is faster than you mate”. Webber, for all his faults, does go out with the intention of winning races, and will driver through other cars to do that. When told to get out of the way, he’s grumbled about it to the press for weeks afterwards and made the life of the PR department very hard indeed.

Why would Ferrari want that ? No, they’ll pick up Perez or someone like Senna who car get a car home, do as he’s told and not kick up a fuss.

McLaren have fitted a new higher nose to try and claw back the advantage they seemed to have at the start of the season. Thankfully it’s not one of these stepped ones, but it’s not as pretty as the original version. After starting the season looking like it was going to be a cake walk for the Woking lads, it’s all gone a bit tits up. Rubbish pit work and poor strategy calls have lost points and wins for the normally super slick McLaren. Meanwhile down the pit lane as Redbull looked a bit lost they got a win and are now leading the drivers’ championship.

It’s not time to panic just yet. But the rear left wheel gun man has asked to be relieved of the responsibility (apparently McLaren operate a volunteers only selection for the pit stop team, no one does it unless they really want to). The design of the wheel nut has been modified to captured rather than loose. So as long as they have six calm and slick pit stops during the race everyone will be happy.

So then Barcelona, it’s a pretty dull track, old school a mix of pretty much every type of corner. It’s why they test here in the off season, if you go well here you’ll go well everywhere. With this year’s tire management racing, it’s going to be a toss up between a two stopper and driving miss daisy to the line or three stopper and nail it like you stole it.

There is a lot of talk of Lotus and Grosjean getting a win here, I’m not convinced he’s the second coming just yet, but he certainly backed Kimi up and fully deserved the 3^rd he got in Bahrain. Lotus is going well and the team look to have a renewed confidence about them. The money issues might not have gone away, but there is a clearer picture there now. It’s been a lottery for the win so far this year so I wouldn’t bet against it just yet.

But Redbull had their game face back on in Bahrain and showed that they’re not beaten by any stretch of the imagination. Webber is having a good solid season whilst his (admittedly current leader of the drivers’ championship) looks like he hasn’t got a handle on the car yet.

This might just be the same problem as everyone else, no idea what the tire ware is going to be from one lap to the other.  But he doesn’t look as happy as he did last year .... well until he won in Bahrain obviously.

So then New bits for the big boys, McLaren looking to get a win the championship back on track, whilst Ferrari look to get some sort of Championship going. Redbull want to keep the ball rolling and Lotus desperately need some win bonus money. Mercedes ... well you never know.

Pick a winner from that lot.

Its one of them QR code things

might be useful ...

It's Vettels turn to win this week.

Right then, after all the ho har and not a little emotion, we finally get down to what F1 does best. Have a race and a pretty good race it was too.

The expected attack from McLaren never materialised as yet again poor pit stops put paid to Hamilton’s ambitions.  Mercedes ran into tyre problems yet again whilst Lotus delivered a double podium and Vettel finally got his mojo back and dominated a weekend like we’re used to.

Vettel nailed his car to the front on the grid with a great run in Q3. Up to that point the Redbulls had looked there or there abouts but not blindingly fast. Certainly no faster than the McLaren of Hamilton or the Merc of Nico you had to say.  But as the clock counted down Vettel pulled out one of those special laps we used to see last year where he just hooks the car up to the circuit and delivers a stunning pole time.  Hamilton was a hairs length behind him, then Webber and Button suggesting we were going to get a Redbull v McLaren battle of old. Nico had fluffed his lines after last week’s stellar drive as Schumacher had “issues” to be dropped in Q1.

The most interesting thing, though you might have missed it, was Di Resta getting into Q3 and eventually 10^th place after the Force India team had packed up early on Friday to calm some shattered nerves. The team bus had got caught up in the demonstrations outside the circuit on the way back to the hotel Wednesday night and didn’t want the same thing to happen on Friday. So they set the car up in first practice and walked out half way through practice two despite first Bernie then the circuit owner going down to the pits and demanding they stay or else.  

In “alleged” retribution FOM the F1 owned and run Television service saw fit to not show either of the Force India cars all afternoon. Bernie denied there were any hard feeling, but a great bit of qualifying from Di Resta to make it into Q3 was completely missed by the TV camera ... odd that.

So race day dawned as bright and sunny as you would expect any desert too, except it didn’t. As the start of the race drew nearer, the wind picked up and the clouds get darker, the temperature dropped and the odd spot of rain could be seen on the shirts of the commentators.

 What this meant was that those team that had been worried the soft tyres would last about 30 seconds in the bright hot sunlight, felt they would last considerably longer in the cool cloudy shade.  This year is turning into a season of tyre management. Burning a layer off the tyre as the car sprints off the line, just destroys the life and grip available to the driver.

Hamilton and Button soon found that their McLarens that had been so fast in the hot weather just couldn’t get the tyres to work as the race started. The Lotus’s of Kimi and Grosjean had made lightening starts and were soon up at the front of the grid as first Button had to dive in to the pits followed by Rosberg and Hamilton.  As Vettel scampered off to a five second lead for much of the first half of the race the only challenge he had was from Kimi who looked like a man on a mission.

Hamilton who had made it away in second had two stops where the left rear wheel nut refused to help. First jamming then cross threading so that, what had looked like a win at long last turned into a scrap with his old friend Rosberg who drove him off the road then Alonso and Massa in ninth place.

Kimi eventually caught up with Vettel as they came up to their final stops, but catching a car is one thing, passing another. Some narrow minded nitwits have complained that DRS and KERS are terrible ideas and take something away from the racing. But as Kimi popped his DRS along the main straight and  mashed the KERS button, Vettel flicked his “push to pass” maximum reves button and just about kept enough distance between the two cars int he braking zone. The Redbull had enough KERS charge left to punch out of turn one and that was enough to give the German his first win of the year. Kimi’s last set of medium tires weren’t quite as gripping as the previous soft tires and he couldn’t drag the lotus into one more fight for the win.

So there you are, is this the start of another Redbull and Vettel dominated championship? I don’t think so, certainly the blue cars are now back up there. But we can just add them to the list of cars that could win a race. McLaren and Mercedes are joined by Lotus and Redbull as the team with the cars to take the crown this year. Only Ferrari looks like they’ve still not fixed their car and the race for the top four teams is going to be about development. They can work with what they have, Ferrari still need a base to work from.

So its a win for Vettel and the triple crown; Pole, fastest lap and the win. It’s just like 2011 all over again isn’t it. Kimi made him work towards the end, but he’s a sharper boy now and didn’t fluff his lines when he needed to defend the corner. I was almost starting to like him until he got out of the car and started waving that finger of his around.  Horner said they hadn’t expected Bahrain to be a circuit they’d do well on, which should make everyone worried.

Kimi gets second with a great drive from 11^th on the grid. he doesn’t look rusty after his gap years and even managed several sentences’ in the press conference after the race. I might start liking him again at this rate. Will he win this year ? you’d be brave to bet against it.

Grosjean the SI standard of driving gets a very creditable third. He led the race at one stage and eventually got out of the way of Kimi when told to. Two races in a row where he’s picked up good points, the car is working well and the only person unhappy with this tonight must be Kubica.  I think Lotus are starting to deliver that pre season testing promise at last

Webber is once again in his customary fourth spot. Last week he was the best Redbull driver, this week he’s back to being a disappointment. How cruel F1 can be.

Rosberg keeps his fifth spot after a trip to the stewards for unsporting behaviour.  The reality is that he drove a ragged race after losing pole with a greedy qualifying performance.  Last week he could do no wrong, this week he got it all wrong. When Hamilton and Alonso came to over take him he was more than a little aggressive in his defence of the racing line, with bother drivers taking to the run off area to avoid ploughing in to the back of him.

The stewards called this perfectly fine and dandy in the end as the cars weren’t alongside him and “chose” to leave the circuit. Nico had started the move as he came out of the corner and not as a direct result of the drivers behind him. Personally i think he was lucky to get away with it, still I'm not a steward so what do I know.

Di Resta gets a jolly good sixth considering they didn’t touch the cars after first practice and didn’t know how the cars would work in full tanks.  It’s also two fingers up to Bernie and that’s always a good thing.

Alonso seventh in the end, they were looking for sixth and must be very unhappy.

But not as unhappy as the boys from Woking! Button pulled up with a broken something before the end and Lewis only just made it to eighth in the end. Friday they were al over this track and they by Sunday afternoon they’re struggling to get passed the mess that is the Ferrari. 1.5 seconds off the pace the car eat the tyres and the left rear wheel nut again refused to work correctly. Whitmarsh did not look a happy team manager post race. The thing is, Lewis drove his heart out again and still didn’t get his just reward.

Massa wasn’t quite so rubbish this week in ninth, he’ll probably keep his seat for the year now.

Schumacher rounds out the top ten and whinged about the tyres after the race. Who cares ?

Last place this week goes to Karthikeyan in the HRT who is rapidly becoming the only thing you can comfortably predict these days.

Right lets get out of Bahrain and never come back .. sport and politics should never be mixed.

Nico pops his cherry at long last

Well wasn’t that all jolly exciting and unexpected. I mean who would have though the Merc could get a pole and then convert that into an actual win! and not the highly expensive seven times world champion, no Nico finally delivers after 111 attempts and pops his winning cherry.

No one saw that coming and certainly not you lot judging by the scores, with less than a third of you making it to double figures.

I missed qualifying, after a prior engagement with several fine bottles of Cote Du Rhone and I couldn’t face yet another 6am start. So it was a somewhat bleary double take when I heard the news that not only had Nico aced the pole but Vettel was down in 11^th and Kobayashi would start 3^rd after Lewis got a penalty for changing his gearbox. It’s always nice to see a once very smug German get beaten but a different person. Okay so Nico is still technically a German but his father was Swedish so he’s alright in my book.

I managed to drag my sorry carcass out of bed for Sundays race to be greeted by the sight of no rain what so ever. All my lovely plans for watching Alonso and Button fight it out through the spray had disappeared and I was faced with a race with a difference. Still there was going to be lots of overtaking as the Merc’s went backwards and the Redbulls, Ferrari and McLarens came back through the field.

Except no one seemed to have told Nico the plan, when the lights went out off he scampered into the smog filled distance and the rest of the drivers spent 40 laps in a long procession. There were a couple of moves but nothing worthy of a pass as the DRS failed to deliver much in the way of an opportunity for overtaking. Big long straights into hairpins are fine in principle, but stick the DRS zone half way down it and the cars are bouncing off the rev limiter way before they get to the end of the straight.  So it was more a case of cars almost getting into a passing place, but not quite making it.  The Mercedes engine cars seemed to have a better top speed than the Renault and Ferrari engines, but they needed the car in front to make a mistake or get told to get out of the way, for there to be much of a chance.

Mercedes made an uncharacteristic mistake at Schumacher’s first stop and released the car before the front right had been bolted into place.  He made it round four corners before pulling off to be the only retirement of the day.

Meanwhile Nico continued to look after his tires and lead the race. He was so far ahead that the TV stopped watching him and instead began to look at the train of cars forming up behind Kimi. He was on a two stopper and this race was rapidly turning into one where the last man into the pits was going to have the best tires at the end.

Kimi was struggling on in second with the two Redbulls, Alonso, the McLarens and Grosjean all within spitting distance. For lap after lap they sat behind each other popping out now and again to try and spook the driver ahead, but none of them had the grunt to make it past. Then Alonso tried to go past Grosjean and ran out onto the marbles to discover that there was bugger all grip out there. He ran off the track back to 9^th.  Then within the space of a lap Kimi lost all grip on his warn out tires and went from 2^nd to 14^th before he had time to order two cornettos and a Vodka chaser.

Button was past into 2^nd, Hamilton nipped passed a slippery Vettel for third and at the end of the race Webber sneaked past the struggling German for 4^th, my how the mighty have fallen.

Grosjean and the Williams of Senna and Maldonardo scrapped it out for the rest of the points and Alonso only had memories of Malaysia to keep him company in 9^th

Kobayashi who had told all and sundry that he had his name all over the winner’s trophy, got a fastest lap and the last point. His name is not being linked with the Ferrari drive this week.  

So then Nico gets his first win and about time too. On cold days the Merc is going to be the car to beat, when it can look after its tires and make them last more than 15 minutes their now fully legal tricksy rear wing is going to deliver them to the front of the grid and then it’s down to the tires. He didn’t really have much to deal with all race as the big guns struggled to get past each other.  Button might have had a shot at it, but a sticky real wheel on his last of three stops robbed him of the chance. So Nico showed he can do it when it’s all there for him. Well done him

Button in 2^nd once again must do better in qualifying. He’s got a car and the speed to deliver a championship, if he’s at the front on Saturday. Still he made the passes when he needed to and but for the problem on the last stop he could have given Nico a run for his money.

Hamilton in 3^rd must be wondering what he has to do this year. The team found a problem with the gearbox when they unpacked the car on Thursday, so had to change it and got a 5 place grid penalty. So Lewis was always on the back foot. He managed to qualify 2^nd but was dropped to 7^th from where he was always going to struggle to get a win. So yet another 3^rd isn’t so bad and it was a much more philosophical Lewis in the post race press scrum. As he said, with three different winners already, consistency is going to be the key; hence he now leads the championship.

Webber did enough to get to 4^th and must have felt very smug when he mugged Vettel with 2 laps to go. No team orders this time round.

Vettel complained all weekend long about the car not working for him and looked to be short a few horses on the long straight. The handling was better but the straight line speed just isn’t there right now. 5^th place wasn’t bad considering he started in 11^th though.

Grosjean finally makes it to the finish in 6^th, which is about where Lotus should be with the Redbulls and McLarens ahead and either of the Mercs.

Senna has another good weekend for Williams in 7^th.

As Maldonado puts both Williams it he top 10. Finally, a good solid reliable top ten car for the Didcot boys, it’s good to see them back up there as Sir Frank turns 70 this week. Anyone who watched the F1 racing in the 80’s and 90’s will remember the Williams cars showing the likes of Ferrari and Renault how it should be done.  They always gave the impression of a little garage team taking on the faceless greyness of McLaren and highly strung Italians, to give the Brits something to cheer for. Like warm beer and roast beef they were our lads and they were great and it’s good to see the team back where it belongs.  How all they need are two top draw drivers again.

Alonso is a sad and lonely 9^th. Massa is all the way back in 13^th and was told to get on with the race more than once. Alonso tried to drive the wheels off that car and very nearly got a good result. But I suspect Malaysia is going to be the high point of the season for a long time.

Finally Kobayashi 10^th, got the fastest lap but he should have taken home more than one point from a 3^rd place start. The car didn’t seem to work as the tires got older.  Still he was ahead of Perez who didn’t look quite so wonderful on a dry track with the big boys playing for real. Not quite a Ferrari driver just yet lad.

Kovalainen was dead last after a faulty something stopped him for a lap or two. Sparing the blushes of the HRT team who were as rubbish as ever.

So then, here are the scores and it’s a pitifully low scoring round.  Predicting the results this year is going to be harder than ever now there are at least 3 teams that can win races.

Next Bahrain ..... 

Don't shoot the messenger, China and Bahrain.

Put the chocolate down, it’s time for the Desperate Despot F1 tour to begin. An all expenses paid, to the top 5 teams, trip through some of the highest profile abusers of human right in the world today.

First up China, with its envious record of imprisoning political and religious protestors, it’s continued occupation of Tibet and ongoing attempts to suppress calls for more personal and democratic choice in this one party state.

After a tedious and very possibly wet race in China, we shall be flying direct to the Royal Kingdom of Bahrain, which is demonstrating to everyone except the FIA delegates that Syria is not the only country that can violently suppress its angry population.

Come and join us for tear gas parties and mass dissident executions.

Well that’s what the world’s media would have you believe. Just like the media storm against going to the 1982 Moscow Olympics after the Russian invasion of Afghanistan. The South African Rugby and Cricket tours during the Apartied years. And who could possibly forget Jackie “porkie” Browns infamous late refusal to come to my 8^th birthday party just because I said she had fat ankles the day before the party.

Events that will forever, live on as still actually happening despite some people getting into a bit of a huff and there being one less present at an eight year olds party.

Freedom has always come from the point of a gun, not from a well timed pass or a fast wheel change. I fully understand why protestors and governments alike latch onto high profile sporting events to get across their message of “Chaps, it’s all okay, they’re terrorist/downtrodden scum” or “ Them bastards drove a tank through my chip shop and shot my four kids it the face”

But most jolly motor racing fans don’t really care about either argument. They probably care more about how much longer Massa will last at Ferrari, than the number of protestors shot on the street of Bahrain this week. Or if Vettel can get his season back on track than how many Chinese citizens were killed because of antiquated and dangerous working practices for western electrical companies.

So these big events give the good guys a chance to talk about just how bad the bad guys are, whilst the bad guys put on shiny suits and talk about happy workers and impending political reforms just as soon as the down trodden scum learn their place.

Which isn’t to say any of its right, you understand. Shooting flag waving protesters armed with nothing more than a sense of injustice, a spray can and a facebook account is as abhorrent as blowing up a police station or burning down a furniture store. Everybody should have the right to determine their own course through life. Choose who they listen to and who they pray too in my opinion.

So should the F1 circus roll into these countries?

 Not going isn’t going to stop any of the bad things happening, it might bring a bit more international pressure to bear, but whilst the likes of Syria openly try to shoot every last citizen left in the country, China will calmly get on with buying up the world and the Bahrain royal family will cling onto power. On the flip side going to China and Bahrain does bring the international media to these countries and the good guys get a chance to be heard for a few days.

But would that not be seen as F1 condoning the actions of these questionable government ?

Well, until Bernie and the FIA delegates returned to Bahrain, was anyone other than the regional media covering the event on the ground?  After the Saudis went in and stamped out the uprising, it all went very quite on the news front as first Libya and then Syria became the new wars of choice for the international news crews.

Once Bernie said “Saddle up lads, we’re going back in”, the protesters were given a voice to say “Hang on, there is another side to this story”.

There is talk of a track invasion after the race by protesters, would they be getting that chance is there was no race. How will the world react if the security forces start gunning them down, or banners are torn down and people dragged out of their seats mid race.

Sport has always provided not just a platform for governments to show how great their country is, but protesters to gain media attention and point out the ugly bit the governments don’t want you to see.

So it’s china first, it’s wet there at the moment and it’s expected to be wet for the race, so Alonso must be favourite, if their new exhaust system is all they claim it is anyway. Pat Fry is talking about the car still being a second off the pace, but in a wet race that doesn’t matter too much.

After whinging like a little girl that he was attacked by Karthikeyan in Malaysia, Vettel has gone very quiet and refused to apologise. The driver steward at the race, Johnny Herbert, said it was all Narains fault for coming back across the line and clipping Vettel before the German had finish passing the HRT. To me it looked like the HRT was trying to avoid the wet grass and Vettel chopped the poor guy.  The Redbull PR machine is been low key these past two weeks, well they would really, there isn’t too much for them to crow about so far. But they have a whole shed load of cash to fix the problem and I expect they’ll be up the front this weekend.

The endless grumbling about Mercedes trick DRS wing continues to rumble on. Charlie Whiting has been asked to clarify once again if it’s legal. No one has actually protested it you understand ... they just want to know how legal it is. Whilst no doubt the bigger teams are working out how to fit one to their car so they can go backwards in the race.

Mercedes meanwhile have said they are going to concentrate on better tire ware rather than get bogged down with qualifying gizmos.

Team Lotus have told Genii Lotus to pay up their title sponsorship money or get lost, so Genii Lotus have left Team Lotus, but the team is still called Lotus and is still painted black and gold. Obviously only selling four cars a month isn’t paying enough to sponsor an F1 team, several WEC teams, supply a dozen Indy car teams with engines and generally ponce about painting everything black and gold and promising the earth.

This has been rumbling on for month now and no one is really surprised the Lopez the owner of Genii Lotus is doing a runner. He always struck me as the all mouth and no trousers kind of team owner, who was there to swan around glad handing the rich punters and selling snake oil to the idiots. See also BMW and Richard Branson.

Williams have been talking up Maldonardo, i don’t know why; i don’t think he has any more money. They seem to think he has potential and will start to deliver any day now ... I think he will continue to hit things and generally deliver poor results in a promising car.

Finally Peter Sauber, fresh from telling anyone that will listen, that Ferrari did not ask him to stop Perez from racing them. Has announced that he’s going to retire at the end of the season, he will be passing the team job onto Monisha Kaltenborn. "Monisha will become the first female F1 team boss in history. She has been with us for 13 years, always in a leading role. I am confident that she will do a very good job." Good luck to her and the team. I think this might be their break out year and the likes of Mercedes and Lotus should be watching over their shoulder.

Right then, that’s rather a lot of words.  So I’ll end it there.

In conclusion, China and Bahrain are both run by bad people, F1 isn’t going to change the world by not turning up. It’s up to you if you want to watch the race and feel bad about it.

China will be as dull as ever, Bahrain if it happens will be as awful as ever too. I do hope the race in Bahrain gets cancelled so I don’t have to waste 2 hours of my life watching cars drive around a dusty waste land as more young men and women get beaten for asking for a better choice.

I would welcome any thought or comments.

Don’t forget to update your predictions before Thursday for China.

Alonso is faster than you .. do you understand.

Once again the old adage that, one should never count ones chickens until all the eggs have hatched is proved by a single Formula One race. Seven days ago everyone had Ferrari dead and buried, an impossible car to drive and no idea what to do with it, the media were calling for Domenicali’s head and Massa to be shot out of a cannon into the face of the sun.

This evening, okay the Italian press is still calling for Massa to be fired out of a cannon, but the car is perfect and their driver Alonso is the greatest driver ever to wear the red overalls. A brilliant win of a race that started in the rain, was delayed for an hour as the HSE threw a red flag, then a superb drive to hold off a hard charging Sauber to claim a very unexpected win at the a second event of the season

 And you can’t take anything away from that win either. It was a true old school Alonso victory, against the odds and with his back to the wall. When the moment presented itself, he nailed Perez into turn one and never looked back.

Unfortunately that isn’t the story of the weekend though. The tin foil hat brigade is incensed by a simple radio message seven laps from the end. This was sent, from the pit wall, to the Sauber of Perez who found himself in the unusual position of chasing Alonso down for the first win of his F1 career.

It said simply "Checo, be careful, we need this position, we need this position"

Which to any normal person means ....

“Look lad, you’re in a comfortable position, a guaranteed second place. We have no sponsors and we need the points. We would rather see you bring it home for the money than make a do or die move on a Ferrari driven by a man who is not going to give this one up ... do you understand”.

Now you may think that because the engine in the back of the Sauber is supplied by Ferrari, that maybe Ferrari had a word with its satellite team and maybe said, “Right lads, don’t louse this up or the engines you get next month might not be quite so pukka, know what I mean Guv’ner”

Or perhaps maybe, just maybe the fact that Perez is being linked to Ferrari as a replacement for Massa as soon as the start of the European leg of the championship. That Perez might think twice about stealing the win from a team he wishes to join and a team mate who would be his number one.

It all depends on how tight that tin foil hat is really. Oh I know in the past Ferrari have played fast and loose with their own team orders and threatened to throw their toys out of the pram for the most minor of reasons. But ordering another team, an engine customer team, to stop racing to keep that engine supply? I don’t think they would and Peter Sauber the owner of Sauber F1 is a straight up dyed in the wool racer. He’s been knocking around motor sport since the 80’s in sports cars. So he’s not some push over, some new boy with no history. He has integrity and a sense of honour. He rescued the Sauber team when BMW flounced off the DTM last year, the team has his name on it and I really don’t think he would throw a win away to keep an engine deal. When asked if there had been any talks with Ferrari during the race, Mr Sauber said "One hundred per cent nothing. We had no discussion about Checo and we had no discussion about the position."

It is all a moot point anyway as Perez managed to throw it away all on his own. Ahhh but the tin foil hat nay Sayers point to that and say “but look he was told to stop racing and he went off the road deliberately, look we are right look ... look, and that Bernie is a lizard that feeds on the blood of new born deer, he went off under Ferrari orders ” etc etc etc.

Now every racing driver I’ve ever met, and that is a few, would have rather cut their left foot off than throw a race. Remember Barrichello giving Schumacher the race in Austria all those years ago? If you recall Ferrari told its own driver to move over and let the team number one through after Barrichello had completely dominated the whole race. The Brazilian did as he was told 100 metres from the line and with a whole shed load of bad grace.

Then there’s Ferraris current whipping boy Massa being told to move over in Germany, who do so with real undisguised disgust, it was the start of the end for him, and he never challenged Alonso again. The bad PR was endless.

Racing drivers do not throw races to keep engines, even the ones about to be signed for the team ahead of them. Perez pushed and pushed and then made a mistake that took the momentum out of the attack. With rain forecast for the end of the race it was better to get the points on a day when the big boys had dropped the ball and he was about to deliver a hat full of points. You can’t get a Ferrari P45 slip between the midfield and if he had thrown away a second place, it would be him facing the cannon shot into the sun now.

  It may well have crossed his mind that he was about to challenge a Ferrari for the win and maybe he has already got his signature on a contract with prancing horse logo. So he may have thought “Good opportunity to show them I can race for every point” or he may have though, “better to show them I can do as I'm told”. Or how about “Best not take a car out I could potentially be driving next month”. Equally “I’ll show them I'm willing to fight for every point I’ll stick up the inside next time we reach the end of the pit straight”.

There are hundreds of thoughts he could have had. But the one first and foremost would have been “Don’t screw this up now”

Anyway there were some other drivers and teams.

McLaren had a bit of a nightmare after Hamilton nailed pole again on Saturday and failed again to turn it into a win. Whilst Jenson normally imperious in a changeable conditions race, clipped the back of the mobile chicane Karthikeyan and spent most of the afternoon complaining about his tires not gripping. No smug father and ditzy girlfriend flapping around the media this time around. Team Button was conspicuous by its absence post race.

Also a bit lost at sea was Mercedes. The car can obviously nail a single qualifying lap when its trick rear wing do dar can optimise the balance and deliver the silver car to the sharp end of the grid. But come Sunday and its literally chewing the tires up. Rosberg and Schumacher went south the moment the life was gone from the tires and no amount of weaving around can save them. Why anyone would want to protest that rear wing when it’s clearly not delivering any race performance what so ever, is beyond me. Let then go for pole and over take them on lap 15 like normal.

Anyway, rain made it a bit of a lottery, hence;

1^st Alonso, I doubt many people went for that. It was a combination of luck and good old smarts. He passed Perez when he had the chance and used KERS to just about stay ahead. And like Last week the driver chasing him was the one that made the mistake.

This win now means he’s leading the championship, no I don’t believe it either!

2^nd Perez. His stock has rocketed through the roof with this. I still don’t like him; one good result does not make for a world Champion after all. Petrov was third in Australia last year and the next big thing, now he’s tooling round in a Caterham.  So I'm going to hold judgement for now.  I will say that he drove a barn stormer of a race and really showed that given the right conditions he has what it takes to be a race winner. But then, Trulli was technically a race winner too.

He did a great job and could have won the race, if just finishing hadn’t been so important to Sauber. Was blindingly fast on used rubber and traded fastest laps with Alonso as they fought it out.

Let’s just see what he can do on a dry track when the big boys are there to play too.

3^rd Hamilton. Bit of a smile this week, but poor pit work again and a lack of race pace left the boy wonder to run a quite race. Vettel and Webber tried to catch him at the end but Vettel clipped the HRT mobile chicane and punctured his rear tire.  The points are ticking over, just not enough of them. Bringing his mum to the races is obviously working, not so much the trophy girlfriend, who looks less and less comfortable whenever Mr Hamilton senior is there.  Still it’s a long old championship this year; there will be plenty of time for that relationship to thaw out.

4^th Webber, did alright, didn’t hit anyone and did about all he can with a car that isn’t as good as last years. It’s suffering from a lack of rear grip as it goes into and through the apex of a corner ... what they need is some sort of way to energise the rear wing as the driver lifts off into a corner. Maybe with exhaust gasses too and the diffuser or something .. I don’t know, something like that.

5^th Kimi. Changed the gearbox and got a 5 place penalty on Friday. Started 10^th ended up here in 5^th. Then he got the fastest lap just like the good old days. Missed a massive PR opportunity by not having Walls ice cream delivered to him as the teams sat under the gazebos waiting for the rain to stop.

6^th Senna. The B spec Senna charged around like a thing possessed. Punted his team mate at the start and fought back from dead last to claim a hat full of points. Whisper it VERY quietly ... Williams might just have a handy little car this year, imagine what do proper drivers could do with it.

7^th Di Resta. More luck and more points. The car still didn’t look all that fast and will need a lot of wind tunnel time for the next two weeks.   

8^th Vergne. This was a pretty special drive from the Torro Rosso Rookie. Before the red flag came out he was tooling around in the top ten on inters as the rest of the rest of the grid slithered around on full on storm wets. That takes balls and a lot of skill. During the winter season the Torro Rosso would pop up now and then and deliver these great laps. It’s obviously a well sorted car and Vergne is proving to be quite a skilled driver.  Ricciardo was also driving like a man on a mission for a lot of the race, so I'm starting to think these boys might soon be regulars in the top ten.

9^th Hulkenberg. Not bad, not brilliant but better than more notable names in red cars with far more experience.

10^th Schumacher.  Salvaged some pride for Mercedes, but mostly looked to be holding up the pack. They need to figure out why it’s chewing the tires up so fast and do it before the rest of the midfield get a real handle on their own cars.  BMW and Toyota upped sticks and quite when they couldn’t show the board of directors the results ... will they soon do the same at Mercedes?

Finally our last placed driver would have been De La Rosa, but the FIA got so annoyed with Karthikeyan getting to tenth and then wondering around like he was a racing driver or something and trying to use his car to stop people over taking him. That then slapped him with a 20 second penalty at the end for hitting Vettel, which means he gets demoted to 22 and dead last.  Well done to him. In further HRT news Luis Pérez-Sala, Team Principal writes: "Yesterday after qualifying we were satisfied and today, thankfully, we are again. We met another target which was to finish the race with both cars” Well done to them, crossing their fingers and hoping not one but both cars will finish just shows you they’re not here to make up the number at all.

Round 2 Malaysia

The dust has hardly settled and the last of the champagne is being washed from the overalls of the victors and we’re off to Malaysia for the Sepang GP.



This place is the first of the Tilk “Bernies barren wastelands circuits for the cash” this year so an easy one to catch up with on the BBC. It’s fast, wide and there isn’t too much of a challenge for the drivers. The circuit is extremely wide; in places they can go four abreast into a corner. But this being Formula one there is only one line and no one deviates from that unless they have too, or unless Massa is spinning back from hitting the wall perhaps.


McLaren are talking up this weekend and why shouldn’t they? Historically the Woking boys have always gone well here as it’s nice and fast with long sweeping high speed corners that suit the McLaren design ethos. They looked comfortable at the front of the field in Australia a circuit that shouldn’t have suited so i don’t see a reason why they shouldn’t be out front again.
With only three days from the drop of the flag in Australia to the start of practice in Malaysia the teams don’t have enough time to analyse the race data from the weekend and turn it into faster bits for the cars, so the pace of the cars isn’t going to be much different.

However.


Ferrari is bringing a new chassis for Massa, just to prove his other one wasn’t the weak link in the weekend. Will this make much difference? .. I doubt it. The Italian papers are full of stores that Perez is going to be in the Ferrari before the season reaches Barcelona and soft hands Sutil will be back in the Sauber. Proving once again that being too slow is a far worse crime than glassing someone in the face!

HRT will be searching for better luck this weekend, with both cars way outside the 107% qualifying time they didn’t even get a couple of hours testing time on the Sunday. I doubt that’s going to change much this weekend. If they make it to the race they have to be firm favourites for last place driver, if they can complete enough race distance of course. Marussia are looking like being the last placed car of choice at the moment, with Glock my personal choice.


Other news of note is that Kovelinum was given a five place grid penalty, for over taking the safety car before it had crossed the safety car line at the entrance to the pit lane during the Oz GP. So if you were thinking of having a Caterham on pole position in Malaysia, think again.

Right then, update your predictions before midnight on Thursday please. Any changes after than will be for china in four weeks time.

Round one Australian

Right then, Button hits the ground running and gets the win as the McLaren’s looked nailed to the circuit. Whilst the Redbulls looked like they are really missing that rear blown diffuser and Ferrari looked like they’d forgotten how to design a car.

Hamilton got pole with a scintillating early Q3 run, Vettel once so peerless on a qualifying run complained about oversteer and unpredictable handling. The Mercedes of Rosberg and Schumacher had talked the talk all practice but when push came to positions they couldn’t quite walk the walk. The big hero of Q3 was the once silly haired Roman Grosjean in the evil black lotus. Who showed his vodka loving returning world champion team mate, Kimi “I’ll have a Cornetto and sit this one out chaps” Raikkonen, how it should be done with a fine third on the grid.

Better then Ferrari, who looked like someone had rebadged a 1974 Ford Capri with a prancing horse and sent that out to qualify, One minute it was understeer, the next oversteer. Just keeping it in a straight line looks to take some balls.

Massa, as ever, kept the press pack wondering why he still had a drive and for how long he would keep said drive. Numerous trips to the kitty litter and poor qualifying kept everyone amused. But you know, they’ve been asking when is the Latin hotshot going to get fired and year after year he’s still there. I think the crux of the matter might be that no one else wants to be the one making Alonso look great. The spaniard was thrashing the thing within an inch of its short shelf life and wowing the media until he too ended up pointing the wrong way in the sand trap.


So to the race, Hamilton got an okay start when the lights went out, Button simply got a better start. As the others banged into one another (Webber in the thick of things as usual) the two McLaren’s eased off into the distance.

Rosberg got a flier off the line (the software team will be happy with that on in Brackley) to snatch third briefly before Vettel made a blinding move up the inside and took it away from him, where he failed to get to grips with the McLarens.

Behind all of this Maldonado in the surprisingly good looking Williams “bumped” Grosjean off the circuit in a nice “welcome back to the piranha pool lad” move , before he started getting back into the swing of things with a trip through the sand traps a few laps later.

Alonso was like a man possessed, imagine Heathcliff standing astride a pair of wild sweaty stallions, his white shirt ripped open, jet black hair billowing around him as lighting flashes in the distance, as he, riding crop in hand beats the raging animals of death and bends them to his will. Three days of practice and qualifying had still not tamed the 2012 Ferrari. It was impressive to watch a man not know from one corner to the next which way the car was going to snap. Exciting stuff.

Oh, yeah and then there was Parez. Right we finally got rid of Trulli who was the most tedious driver i have ever seen. Great wine, does a lot for charity, boring driver. Well he got fired, but Perez seems to have taken it into his head that to win a race you have to be gormless and dull. He has that ‘I have no idea what you are saying so I’m just going to smile at you’ face. The extra big smile that pleads with you to like and understand him, that really under that placid stupid grin he has the heart of a dead sheep ready to savage anyone that crosses him.

I didn’t like his, “i’m going to do one stop and hope the others fail to finish” race tactic last year and sure as hell don’t like it this year. Alonso was charging around like a man on a mission to tame a car that was actively trying to kill him. Perez looked like he was off down the shops for a packet of value sausages (too much meat can be bad for you). Dull dull dull tedious dullness.

So it was all pretty static until Petrov got bored of driving the Caterham and abandoned it on the pit straight. This called out the safety car, just as the McLaren duo had pitted for their tires and just before Vettel pitted for his. Once it had all shaken out Vettel found himself between Button and Hamilton. Oh some things, do indeed, never change.

So we were robbed of a McLaren one two, but did get to see McLaren and Redbull parade around for 10 laps. KERS and DRS didn’t seem to make much of a difference as top boys all look to have the same sort of race pace. Give or take Massa careering into them

To spice things up at the end Maldonado crash tested the front of his Williams as he tried to overtake a tiring Heathcliff Alonso on the last lap. What would have been excellent points for Williams turned to carbon fibre smeared along an Australian wall. With Senna getting nailed by Massa it was all rather disappointing for the boys from Didcot. Still the car at least looks like it can go some. Maybe Senna will turn into a Senna , you never know. Imagine what a Koby or a Kimi could do with a car like that. That would be something to watch wouldn’t it.

So Hamilton got the Pole.

And Button won, made it look pretty easy too and seems to view this as the start of another championship winning season for himself. He got the fastest lap at the end just to rub it in a bit. This is Button really, drive it smooth and nothing dramatic, which is fine and he’s a Brit so that’s good …. But don’t you just wish Hamilton had got the reward for the hard work on Saturday. Well I do.



Vettel bagged more than he was expecting with a bit of Safety car luck for 2nd.

Hamilton had it all taken away from him and looked pretty upset with 3rd. But at least he didn’t have to go and see the stewards and explain why Massa was sitting in a broken Ferrari this time. He looked like he knew he could have won. Let’s hope it doesn’t affect the rest of the season for him. In reality I’d rather have a Lewis that was annoyed with third than happy to have finished.


Webber, gets his best ever result in Australian with 4th. I was taking bets on when he was going to crash into Hamilton at the end, but i think he’d got all that out of his system at the start.


Alonso 5th and that is far more than the car was worth. I don’t think anyone in red expected points let alone a top five finish. They have a serious amount of work ahead of them with that thing.


Kobayashi in 6th was taking part apparently.


Kimi actually had a pretty good race in 7th, the team cocked up qualifying so he got left down in 17th. So to drive up through the field and not collect Massa or crash test the tub after being away for two years, suggest that the evil black Lotus might just be the real deal. Oh and he’s still a very good driver etc etc.


Perez dull dull dull grin dull, His mouth has far too many teeth in it !dull dull dull 8th


Ricciardo gets to 9th ho hum.

Di Resta gets a very lucky 10th after Rosberg and Vergne got it all wrong on the last lap. To be honest Di Resta needs to up his game, the Hulk out qualified him and would have got points if he’d not crashed. Yes I know you have to finish to get the glory, but the Hulk looked to be the natural team leader all weekend and Di Resta the rookie. Anymore results like this and he won’t be going anywhere next year.

Right the last classified driver as declared by the FIA is Glock, who didn’t do enough laps to beat Maldonado at the end, but was still moving when the flag dropped. Yes I know Pic was still technically running at the end, but the FIA have his as a DNF (Did not finish) so he is thrown onto the scrap heap of rubbishness and Glock gets the points this time out. I know it’s complicated, I think Pic was outside of the minimum finishing rule, being as he was 4 laps behind Button.



So then, what have we learned this weekend ?

Well Redbull and McLaren are pretty much even on race pace, with the Woking boys faster in qualifying trim.

The Mercedes have a trick qualifying wing that isn’t helping them to race any better than last year.

Evil Black Lotus do have a good car under them, but the chaps on the pit perch need to step up to the game a bit.

Force India don’t look like they’ve changed the plan of building a car for the fast circuits and Di Resta has proper team mate on his hands now.

Williams have a handy car and two rubbish drivers. My pick for the team to fire its drivers first.

Sauber have another car that will look after its tires, mores the pity.

Marussia got to the end, but only just

HRT are just as crap as ever.

Even Bernie is getting excited ...... it's time for 

The Sidewaysbob 2012

Formula 1

Predict-a-thon

All you have to do is:

Pick the top 10 drivers.

Pick the driver on pole.

Pick the driver with the fastest lap.

and finally, just who is the worst driver?

Pick the last classified driver each race

If you have even a passing interest in Formula one racing and think you know the difference between a Pasta Maldonado and a Webber Carburettor than this is definitely for you.

Sign up for the game here

Read the rules here

This is all free, just for fun and a bit of a laugh

The season starts in two weeks time so hurry and join up today.

If James was alive its the sort of thing he would have loved.

Round one .. the usual suspect up front.

You would not believe what i'd written before the stupid browser crashed before i had a chance to save the draft version.

Still Test one down, Lotus are the winners and Redbull are sandbagging on the straights.

The word on the streets is that Vettel and co are so far ahead it's not even funny.

Evil lotus did alright, Williams must be running on fumes Torro Rosso and Force India might well have a fast car under them.

Ferrari have a hat full of problems yet again. Mclaren have designed something entirely different to everyone else who all copies Newey anyway.

Mercedes and HRT are yet to turn up with new cars.

Round two on tuesday.


Has it really only been three months since the last one ended ?

Well the cars are pretty much ready, the boys have been out at Jerez to claim some bragging rights and kick the PR machine into gear.

So the first round of the winter championship was won by Redbull as usual. Whilst Ferrari and Mclaren looked like they might have some work to do..

Meanwhile Kimi in the evil black Lotus made a lot of promising noises, none of which could be considered a full and frank interview, but there's still time for all of that.

Williams confirmed they most certainly did go for the two drivers with the best chance of keeping the team afloat this year.

Whilst good Lotus (now Caterham) are there or there about's yet again. But they are super, super up for this year, yes sire bob and Trulli is really 'appy to have a car with working power steering. Now all he needs is the stanner stairlift to get him in and out of the car and he's ready to win the championship.

Mercedes turned up with last years car by mistake and drove faster than everyone else to, "test zee tires yar" and how much better they would have been if no one else had had a blown diffuser. Rumors they were taking pictures of the Redbull, just to compare it to their new car, are completely untrue you understand.

Other than that .. well HRT also turned up with last years car and were just as hopeless.

The Force india looked alright in the hands of Di Resta,