I always like this bit of the season, winter testing has
finished, the development paths are in full swing and the teams are packing
their bags for Australia. It’s all shiny and new, freshly scented with hope and
expectation.
The new boys have
been shown the ropes and have a feel for what’s expected of them this year,
whilst the old hands have kicked the tyres and cast a wary eye over their PR commitments,
All the teams are complaining about not having enough time to sort this or that
problem, as finance managers fly from point to point trying to drum up that
last Euro and Chinese Yuan. The long
dark winter months are over and with the brightening spring days the sound of
Redbull complaining about their Renault engines can be heard gently wafting
through the golden haze.
 |
| The suppliers are in .. lets go! |
Welcome to the 2015 Formula One season.
So how has the winter series gone this year then?
Well mostly it’s a case of where they left off in 2014; The
rich boys of the upper 6th are swanking around in their new overalls
and freshly built cars, at the same time as the oiks from the lower 4th
are sewing on new name patches to old race suits and fixing the worst bits of
last year’s car. The potential divide between rich and poor could possibly be
the starkest we’ve ever seen in F1 history.
Caterham have
defiantly gone and will selling off what remains of the assets in a few weeks
time. No one feels like bailing them out after all.
But Marussia have changed their name to Manor Marussia F1
and are planning to raise, Lazarus like, to join the season with an updated
2014 car for round three in Bahrain.
The mid table boys have been trying to look as professional
as possible all winter, whilst not quite at the level of standing on the street
corner next to a sign saying “looking for a good time ?” there has been a lot
of parading around in short skirts and casting flirtatious looks at any passing
trade. All the Russian sugar daddies suddenly being persona non grata on
European soil means an unseemly scramble for Chinese and Middle Eastern
playboys.
Lotus have switched engine and caused an internet storm by
hiring a girl. Force India had a whip round of the staff and found the money to
pay the suppliers to finish the car before the first race. Sauber have built a
car that is so boring and bland is makes grey paint look even more exciting
than it did last year. And Torro Rosso are officially a crèche service for
Redbull now.
At the front of the grid Ferrari have found some speed,
Redbull have whined about Renault a lot and McLaren have had nothing but
trouble. To no one’s surprise, Mercedes have continued pretty much where they
left off from in 2014, they’ve not been making any fastest lap headlines, but
as they don’t need any extra money, they don’t have too.
So all in all, it’s the same as last year ... but different.
Okay then, team by team in last year’s championship winning
order.
Mercedes: Lewis
Hamilton and Nico Rosberg.
All during winter testing the Merc boys have pounded round
the Spanish tracks racking up the miles and occasionally grinding to halt. There
have been very few dramas over the weeks. The most eyebrow raising moment was
Lewis going home with a sick note after 20 minutes in the car one morning. Oh and Nico got the early drop on the team
mate rivalry by announcing he’s “knocked up the misses, unlike Lewis who
doesn’t even have a girlfriend hahahahaha”. *Ahem* Anyway congratulations to
the Rosbergs. Yeah other than that, they were pretty much happy to let the
likes of Lotus and Ferrari, grab all the headlines. That was until the last day
when Nico bolted on a set of sticky tyres and went 1.5 seconds faster than
anyone else. They are still the Benchmark and I’ll put money on Merc taking the
constructors with ease again this year.
As for the two boys, well Nico would like to prove he is a
champion and Lewis would like to underline how much of a champion he is by
winning two titles back to back. But Lewis didn’t go well the last time he was a
single man, and his social media output of late has been winsome looks on
beaches at sunset and much imploring of #teamLH so “stay strong”. Conversely
the recently married Nico has announced he’s to become a father for the first
time in August. This year the off track action could be the deciding factor in
who wins the drivers’ championship.
Redbull: Daniel Ricciardo and Daniil Kvyat
Redbull, after a shaky start last season with the
underpowered Renault, turned it around and were the only team to stop Mercedes
clean sweeping the whole thing. Danny surfaced
as an Australian it was alright to like with plenty of feisty racing moves and
officially the biggest grin in the paddock. But Vettel was being all grumpy
about not being given an easy ride by the FIA and wasn’t really trying very
hard. Then he announced out of the blue (except I’d been saying he’s do it for
years) that he was off to Ferrari and screw the lot of you. Redbull caught
rather on the hop, Told Kvyat to throw on the Redbull team shirt and come and
be introduced to the media as the new replacement. After that he failed to look anything other
than ordinary in the Torro Rosso.
So Danny will continue to grin and be quite impressive, he’s
now the team leader with all the advantages that brings at Redbull and he’s got
the media on his side. He’s a nice bloke from what I’ve seen of him and I think
he’s got the making of a champion one day. Kvyat is still wet behind the ears
and didn’t impress me all that much at Torro Rosso. He’s alright, but he got
beaten by that other bloke all year and no one even remembers who he was now.
The big question is Renault, who have been putting out feelers
into buying one of the back row teams and renaming them Renault F1. They’re a
bit tired of playing second fiddle at Redbulls podium celebrations and really
rather annoyed when Redbull throw their hands in the air and flounce around
blaming Renault when it all goes wrong. It’s not always their fault when Newey
shoehorns their pint sized engine into a half pint space. There are limits, and
Redbull always seemed to find them. So Renault has cooled the relationship
somewhat after Horner started 2015 by complaining to anyone who would listen
that “Yet again the Renault engine is a pile of French merde! Not long after
that, suggestion started to appear that Renault would be starting their very
own team soon. In testing the cars done more miles than it managed last year,
but it’s not been out there making headlines. The thinking is they’re still
behind Mercedes, and not much closer than they were six months ago. Ferrari
might also be back on form and could give Redbull a run for its money.
Williams:
Valtteri Bottas and Felipe Massa.
Last year was a real renaissance for the lads and lass of
Didcot. The car worked like a dream after the nightmare of 2013, it was fast
and slippery and made the Merc work for the points at numerous events. But they
didn’t quite have the courage to roll the dice and try to pinch a win.
Understandably I suppose, the previous year had been one of no points and
humiliation, Maldonardo spent a year smearing the car down the wall and walking
back the pits with bits of car rather than bottles of fizz. They needed a
confidence building year and they got it, thank in no small part to the Massa
and Bottas in the cars and Smedly and Symonds on the pit wall. The car was
innovative but sensible and the pit wall didn’t try to out think itself. They
knew they couldn’t touch the Mercedes, so why bother? Plan to get third and see
what happened, yes it was a bit predictable, but it got results.
This year, there’ll be more of the same I imagine. Testing
would suggest that Ferrari have got their act together and have overtaken the
plucky garagistas. But Williams are still ahead of McLaren and the mid field
teams. The car is slippery again but now has more front downforce for those low
speed circuits. The final test saw a slew of fastest laps so they could be
tilting for poles again this year and if they’re on pole I think they’ll go for
the win this time.
Ferrari:
Sebastian Vettel and Kimi Raikkonen.
Well I was all ready to write Ferrari off at the end of last
year. Alonso was to all intense and purposes unceremoniously fired after
flogging yet another dead pony for a year and telling the media just how much
of a dead pony it was. Monty had been fired by the Fiat board of directors and
at the end of the season they fired they’re second race director, I didn’t even
have time to learn his name. In came Maurizio Arrivabene a man from the marketing
department of Marlboro ciggies and would you believe it, turned it all around.
What should have been a spectacular firework of Mediterranean
tantrums and covert media briefings. Turned into a restructuring, with clear
lines of responsibility for managers and an engine that wasn’t made of iron
girders! Then the car turned up for the first test with new boy Vettel and it
didn’t fall apart of run out of petrol 200 yards up the pit lane. It was fast and so far pretty reliable.
Vettel looked all smug and “I told you it would work”, as Alonso
kicked the broken down McLaren-Honda yet again parked at the side of the road.
Even Kimi looked like he was interested for a change; he
smiled at least once when asked if he liked the car.
They still have to deliver of course, but I think they go
into the 2015 with a bit more vim and vigour about them now. How much that has
to do with Alonso’s departure, well I couldn’t possible comment on that.
McLaren-Honda:
Fernando Alonso and Jenson button.
Well he turned up at McLaren then. After giving everyone the
run around for 6 months last year, Alonso rocked up at McLaren and promptly had
Kev fired in preference to Jenson. Start as you mean to go on aye mate!
Things than started to go bad as soon as the McLaren with
its brand spanking new Honda engine rolled out for the end of season young
drivers test the Monday morning after the final race of 2014 in Abu Dhabi. The
car did approximately 100 yards and stopped dead. They wheeled it back in, all
smiles and “oh it’s just a simple software error .. ahhhhah don’t worry”. They
sent it out again and it stopped 300 smoky yards later... ohh dear.
This year’s winter testing season has seen the new
McLaren-Honda mostly parked up as Vettel has cheerily driven past in his brand
spanking new reliable Ferrari that Alonso wished he could be driving. Then to
cap it all, it tried to kill Alonso when it unexpectedly speared into the wall
as according to the McLaren PR squad, “A gust of wind caught it”. Yeah right, these things are designed by more
computing power than NASA used to get man to the moon. Alonso was pulled from
the car unconscious and spent the next three days eating hospital food.
Magnussen got a call up to drive the car at the final test in a classic “Here’s
what you could have won” moment.
But don’t start planning the McLaren funeral just yet, no,
because if you recall a year ago Redbull did exactly the same thing. Go out,
tool round slowly for a lap or two, and then expire in a smoky
conflagration. But they came back and
won three races in 2014 didn’t they. Yes they did, because they have more money
than most tin pot African dictatorships can spend on illegal weaponry. They
bought themselves out of the problem, and put Adrian Newey on a caffeine drip
till he worked out what he’s done wrong.
McLaren aren’t short of a bob or two, but they don’t have a
star designer of the Neweys calibre. They have a faceless grey cell of nameless
individuals designing methodically and according to the grey hive mind. They
don’t really do flare do they? Individualism is sort of frown upon.
So it might be some time before we see the boys from Woking
back up the front.
Force India:
Sergio Perez and Nico Hulkenberg.
Well we have no idea how they did in winter testing as they
didn’t bring their 2015 car to anything but the last test. According to the team this was because they
were still honing the design and making sure it was perfect before they got it
all messy on the track. The less technical reason is they didn’t have enough
money to pay their suppliers for the 2015 bits they ordered three months ago
and said suppliers, having been burnt by Caterham and Marrussia, refused to
hand over the bits until cold hard cash was handed over in return.
Lotus tried this same trick last year, hang around the back
of the pits smoking ciggies and looking shifty for two tests then tune up to
the last one with a cobbled together mess of a car and expect it to hit the
track running. It didn’t work for them and it won’t work for Force India.
Engineers need to understand what they’re designed and how to set it up.
Rocking up day one of the new season and expecting it to pick up where the
previous car did, is a fools mission. Last year the Force India team seemed to
finally get the idea of racing. They stopped making bizarre pit wall calls and let
the drivers get on with it. Nico kind of fumbled it and Sergio rebuilt his
confidence. Yes, they were always 10 minutes away from collapsing into
administration and bailiffs kicking the front door in but they looked like a
bona fide race team for once. Now it looks like they’re back to scraping around
for loose change to pay the suppliers.
Torro Rosso:
Max Verstappen and Carlos Sainz Jr.
Right off the bat, I like Carlos for no other reason that
when Ted Kravitz interviewed him during the second test, he was an absolutely
nice chap. He was honest, charming and didn’t feel the need to big himself up.
I have no idea if he’s got the chops to succeed in F1, but he’s got a
personality and that gets my vote.
I’ve not seen anything from Max so I have no idea what he’s
like. He’s been aaaaalright in testing, he’s not nailed the wall or annoyed
anyone, and so reports he’s the second coming will have to wait. He’s from that
Lewis Hamilton mould of being groomed for this sport from the moment he pushed
his first corgi hot wheels car across the table top. His dad was a bit of a
cock back in the day with the mistaken belief that he was somehow better then
Schumacher, hopefully Max hasn’t inherited his father’s puffed up ego.
Then again do you remember what you were doing when you were
17? I think I was still trying to work out if having a third can of woodpeckers
cider was going to end in praying to the porcelain God once more. I certainly
wasn’t looking at my first season in an F1 car ... Is Max too young? It’s going
to be the talking point of the season until he either has his first big
accident, or gets a hatful or points.
Lotus: Romain Grosjean and Pastor Maldonardo.
Well, you all know what I think about Pastor and he did
nothing to change that view last year. Romain I have a bit more time for, he
survived a tough initiation into the sport and I think he’s matured into a
handy, if unremarkable drive.
As for Lotus, well it’s all change for them this year. They
ditched the unreliable Renault unit and managed to convince Mercedes that they
could really pay for some of their engines. When they rocked up to the first
test the thing went like a rocket and Pastor was the star of the week with
fastest laps all over the place. The car was suddenly reliable and predictable
and drivable, everything a team wants from a car. As the testing went on they
sort of dropped back to mid table respectability, but they got the miles they
missed last year and could be set for a bit of a solid year. Just as long as Pastor
can keep his murderous death wish under control of course!
I'm not going to get in to the debate about them hiring Carmen
Jorda to be their team development driver. I’ll accept that she probably isn’t
the greatest driver out there. But I don’t think she has deserved any of the downright
bullying she has received since the announcement. No one put a gun to the head
of Lopez and made him sign Ms Jorda. And they are perfectly at liberty to sign
whoever waves a big enough cheque at them. No one has said she was going to do
any racing, so why have the Red faced loons gone into meltdown over this. Give
it up, you loons it’s not the end of day!
Marussia:
well .. errrrr Will Stevens i think and errrrrr someone
Right, well okay Marussia or Manor as we are now supposed to
call them. Well they sold off half the factory to HAAS motor sport and his
American F1 vapourware. Lots of expensive looking mills, work stations ,
monitors, hats, mock up cars and general stuff got auctioned off and we thought
we’d seen the end of them.
But then the administrators knocked on the FIA’s doors and
said,
“That wad of cash we are owed for the point we got in Monaco
.. what’s happing to that? “
The FIA shrugged and said, “Well if you pay your entry fee
and bring a team to the table, it’s yours”. The team went away, had a bit of a
think then came back and asked, “can we race our 2014 car if we put this year’s
sticker on it?” The FIA asked the other team if that would be okay and Force
India quite rightly said, “Errr why do they get to race last year’s car and we
don’t ???? Screw them!”
So the FIA told Marussia to build a car that was mostly last
year’s car and looked quite a lot like this year’s car and have it ready before
the fourth race of the season, oh and pay the entry fee ... and they were in.
Force India grumbled a bit and then realised they’d still be
ahead of the Marussia whatever happened and let it past. So, having paid for
and got a receipt for their entry, Marussia are in. They’ve been given a dispensation to miss the
first three races whilst they buy back all the equipment they sold and knock up
a car that will pass inspection. The team are saying they’ll rock up to
Australia with something that most pundits assume will be at least seven
seconds off the pace of the Merc and will fail the 107%. If that happens the
stewards will refuse to let them race (probably, you never know with the FIA)
and we’ll move on to the next race. Just how long they can be outside the 107%
and denied entry is anyone’s guess. I think it’ll last as long as it take to get
the TV money cheque.
But whatever, good luck to Will and whoever else they sign
up. I hope they like F! because they’re going to be watching a lot of it from
the stands this year.
Sauber:
Felipe Nasr and Marcus Ericsson
So, last year was an utter disaster. No points, no credibility
and they got beaten by Marussia at times, notably in Monaco where the plucky
back markers snaffled a point. Peter Sauber is no mug and he didn't really deserve
the kicking he got last year, after bailing the team out when BMW flounced off he
should have been given more support by the FIA. Instead they seemed happy to
let the likes of Sauber, Caterham and Force India go to the wall to protect
some manufactures interests.
With Caterham gone and Manor fielding an updated 2014 car,
Sauber should at least be guaranteed ninth place in the constructors’ championship
this year. The car they wheeled out for testing certainly didn’t look like it
was going to be pushing the front of the grid at all. They have elevated the word ‘dull’ to a whole
new interstellar level of dullness, with a car that actually makes you think a stag
weekend in Rotherham would be a brilliant idea. Don’t let the blue and yellow
paint scheme fool you, this car is the racing equivalent of waiting at the
doctors for a prostrate examination. You just know it’s going to be bad news.
So we have lots to look forward to this year. Yes the Merc
will be on top, but the inter team rivalry will be fascinating.
Ferrari and Redbull look like locking horns once more and
Williams is punching above its weight as the best of the customer Merc engine runners.
The fight to be the team that doesn’t go into administration
will be between Sauber and Force India. Force India will also have the added fun of
wondering when VJ will finally run out of companies with pension funds he can
raid then sell off
Lotus looks to have put last year’s woes behind them and
might finish a race in the points again. Whilst Torro Rosso will continue to look
after the kids for Redbull and insist they are an independent team.
Over it all Bernie will make random wacky statements, do
dodgy deal and continue to grow his own personal wealth.
But mostly the racing will be a lot closer this year and
more unpredictable in the mid field.
I'm certainly looking forward to it.
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