Lady Lucks needs paying

Lady Luck.

That’s who you have to court in Formula One. Not the great God Dollar, not the Gods of Technology and Design. No it’s the beautiful mercurial and easily pissed off Lady Luck that needs to be paid off before you can go racing to win.

You might well have the fastest car in the pack, designed to within an inch of its life. You might well be a seven times world champion “Greatest of a generation”. But if you’ve not paid Lady Luck in full up front, you can forget it. Whatever you do, it’s all going to fall down around your ears on turn 12 in a shower of gravel. Or relegate to an afternoon of tooling around the back of the field fighting the new boy, looking at TV time counted in seconds of you being passed by the moneyed up hot shoe getting his five minutes of fame.

Vettel had this in the bag, Big Ron assertion that the Redbull was thirty on race pace looked wide of the mark as Vettel and Home boy Webber, locked out the front row on Saturday. Ferrari still behind them with the McLarens and Merc bringing up the rear. Hamilton lost a load of grip and time after getting pulled by the Local Rozzers for “over exuberant driving” on Friday night. Back in 11th was a long way from the front.

Sunday Morning and the teams are talking about Rain and how soon it was going to come. As the cars sat on the grid their answers came as the rain fell and soft tires got changed to Inters for the dash to the first corner. Albert Park is a temporary circuit so there is a lot of white line to get slippery on a cold March afternoon.

When the red light went out on Sunday, we got to see just who’d paid lady luck up front. Alonso got tagged by Button in corner one, has he got squeezed by Hamilton who made a blinding start. Mickey Schumacher got a load of wheel spin off the line and got caught in the midfield scramble, eventually coming out with a broken front wing and very little chance of a fun afternoon. Better than Alonso though who ended up facing the wrong way and the field streaming past. Even the two Virgins starting from the pits and the pace car went past. A long afternoon ahead of Alonso then. Thankfully Trulli n in the Lotus had to replace something or other and wasn’t able to start. So Alonso was spared having to avoid the Lotus getting in the way.

Meanwhile up front Webber had managed to start a race and not hit Vettel or anyone else, plenty of time for that later. Vettel cruised off into the distance without a care in the world. It was a little hairy scary in the rain for a bit. The Sauber of Crazy Kobay lost yet another wing and took out Hulkenberg and Buemi. Schumacher pitted for a new front wing and spent the rest of the day looking at the back of various Torro Rossos, Virgins and Lotuses. HAHAHAHA Hahaha aha ah ah ah aa Seven times world champion this. Not some Jonny come lately no hoper with daddies money. This used to be the most feared driver in F1, not any more. Eventhe Virgin of Di Grassi showed Mickey that goal posts haven’t just moved, they’ve been taken off to the top field with different world first eleven.

So Lady Luck wasn’t happy with Mickey and then showed that she still isn’t in love with Vettel either. This time a break disc locked up and pitched the poor hapless German into the kitty litter. What has the guy got to do to catch a break here? Two easy wins snatched from his grasp by things he had absolutely no control over what so ever. Newey will get blamed for giving him a fast but fragile car, but he didn’t design the spark plug of break disc. It’s just random lady luck swigging out the bottle marked “hardy har ahr buddy” and flicking twigglets at the hapless fools going for glory.

Through all of this Button, had grabbed slick tires for a damp track, and got the jump on everyone to lead the race home. Everyone said he was mad to join McLaren and enter the home of Hamilton. But he drove a perfect race, called the perfect pit stop and finished 10 seconds up the road. Lady luck smiles sweetly and raise a glass of Vintage Tattinger towards the lovely Mr Button. A very timely win for the new Woking boy in his second race, this will do everything for his confidence and determination. He’s not going to give Hamilton an inch now is he.

Second up, Kubica in “Renault alright actually “shocker. He didn’t hit anyone and kept the two Ferraris behind him with no dramas what so ever. Does this mean Renault have a fast realisable car? Maybe. Kubica is fine when he shuts up and gets on with it. This might even encourage the money men to come up with a few more reddies.

Talking of Lady Luck and its Massa in 3rd and another podium for the bionic man. Podiums are the way to build a championship. Keep the score board ticking over, picking up points as the big guns cock it up.

4th and lucky to be there at all, Alonso looked faster than Massa but proved once again that the driver behind needs the driver in front to make a mistake if he wants a better result. Stuck in 4th is a good recovery from plum last. But he could have been second with a fair wind and nod from Lady Luck.

5th Nico, who gets this weeks, “was he in the race, I must have missed him” award. He got in some peoples way and did one of his trade mark fell asleep races. He beat Schumacher in qualifying and the race again. But he didn’t turn that into a charge for the line. Ross will be expecting better things from the lad.

6th and mighty pissed off with all of Australia, Hamilton. He got nailed by the local fuzz out looking to make a name for itself on Friday night. Then got punted not once, but twice by Webber, who lost all sense of race control and was out for blood. Hamilton drove a barn stormer of a race and should have been at least second to Button at the chequered flag. But a pit call at the wrong moment. Webber getting all unnecessary cost the plucky English chap and chance of the shared glory. If was Webber, I’d not be looking to grab a glass of fizz of the McLaren boys tonight. 11th to 2nd would have been a dream for Hamilton. 11th to a battered 6th is poor consolation.

7th Liuzzi. Better than his more fancied team mate Sutil yet again. I might have to swallow my pride and start liking him at this rate.

8th Barrichello. See Nico, did you see him? I must have blinked. Still he did better than Schumacher, so he’ll be happy. And it’s another points payer for Williams. Picking up the pay check.

9th and he should be banned for a month for being utterly crap, Webber. Who let driving on home soil go completely to his head? He punted Hamilton twice. The second time for no reason other than he wasn’t paying attention. He spun, got in the way and was generally rubbish. He keeps doing this, hitting other cars that are racing, cutting up drivers for minor places and cocking around. He’s not all that and Hamilton is right, retire you waste of Bridgestone rubber.

10th and the last points payer, Schumacher. Oh how the once mighty have forgotten the phone number of lady luck. He doesn’t even send her a text message to tell her he’s going to be back in the paddock and they should hook up some time. Those two were once the toast of all the after show parties. Inseparable, falling out of night clubs in the wee small house, a cherry faces Lady Luck having the time of her life and showing Schumacher the ultimate prize through the mist of petrol and champagne spray. Now she sits on another’s pit wall pretending to ignore her once favourite and flicking the V’s behind his back. Sad times indeed for the square jawed one.



So there you go. Far more entertaining that Bahrain, and the championship doesn’t look like it’s going to be a Ferrari/Redbull benefit gig.

As long as the boys remember to pay Lady Luck up front and in full.